A Winter w/o Temperature

Irkutsk, Lustvyanka, Lake Baikal – Siberia Russa (July 2010) The Age by Osip Mandelstam (1891 – 1938) My age, my beast, is there anyone Who can peer into your eyes And with his own blood fuse Two centuries’ worth of vertebrae? The creating blood gushes From the throat of earthly things, And the parasite just trembles On the threshold of new days. While the creature still has life, The spine must be delivered, While with the unseen... Read More

The Octopus Man

Rudy the Octoman reveals the extra limbs protruding from his abdomen that earned him his nickname… Completely gnarly! AKPC_IDS += "3693,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More

Jam Box

I only have 2 words in my pizza-pipe right now; “JAM BOX!” I was bebop-ing around the other day and I happened across a remarkable piece of 1980′s technology, a jam box. It was sitting right there next to a dumpster, god knows why anyone would want to throw something so kickass away, it must have been some colossal mistake that I somehow benefitted from. Regardless, I scored a brand new jam box. I call it a jam box, some folks call... Read More

Bums

The fucked up thing about dry cleaning is that I can never completely remember if I just dropped something off or picked it up.  Regardless, I had a pack of matches in my pocket from my buddy’s wedding and it came from my dry cleaning, wherever the hell it was.  I hopped into my truck and drove north.  Through the choking traffic and caustic fumes of car exhaust into the barren black hills that are all that remained after the wildfires. ... Read More

Stop, Drop, and Roll

It smells nice at first, nostalgic even.  Burning wood and charcoal embers seem almost appropriate in October.  It is a month of grey, orange, and black.  A month of dry grass blowing in the wind.  A month of pumpkin faces with fire in their eyes.  After a quick workout I called up my buddy Igor.  He had been laying fallow since the cancellation of his college courses for two straight days.  “Closed because of fire” is not an uncommon sight... Read More

I Hate Whole Foods

I want to eat healthy, I want to do what is right for the environment, and I want to shop at a supermarket that supports these intentions, but I HATE WHOLE FOODS. The place is, at its most elementary level, a good idea.  Unfortunately in execution it is a judgmental left wing hippie hell hole.  I don’t like being judged for not filling my cart with all organic foods.  I don’t like being judged because my fucking clothes aren’t made out of... Read More

Chewbacca’s Girlfriend Plays Dodgeball

A glimmer of hope.  We crushed souls in our dodgeball game last night.  It was fun as shit.  We got the other team totally pissed off as usual.  In fact they were utterly gripped by fear and intimidation.  They tried taunting the players on our team but that is completely useless, we simply laugh at them.  The thing that was really pissing them off is when we would unleash our “demon roar” every time we threw the ball.  Then we... Read More

Viva Los Diablos Locos

Our dodgeball team totally crushed the opposition again tonight.  It was a fucking total slaughter!  We played the green team tonight, I think they were called Kermit’s Rash or something like that.  Regardless, we totally crushed them.  I got out like a total dumbass in the first game because I thought the ref blew the whistle, total bullshit, but no biggie – we still crushed them.  In game two it must have been the fastest dodgeball... Read More

Dodgeball Bitch Boy

You know I completely forgot to give the rundown of the first game of the new dodgeball season!?! I must be going retarded. WE WON!  Which was pretty fun, as usual, but even more satisfying than victory was getting the other team’s captain so pissed off that he literally had a complete meltdown on the court.  It was fucking great.  One of our new players, a girl named Charlie, told us that the other captain (also named charlie) loses all... Read More

Lemon Time

Another weekend bites the dust (and I have nothing to show for it).  God life is just pouring out of me these days.  Time seems to be speeding up.  My finances are starting to dwindle like the glimmer of a fading star.  I worked on John Hancock all weekend up in L.A. and I find myself counting the breaths between the work and the paycheck.  The contracting companies are like desperate women and can smell... Read More