Black Maria

It was just another day in the coal mines.   I was sitting in a bar on 30th Street.  It was around midnight and I was in my usual bewildered state.  I mean, you know, nothing works right: the women, the weather, the economy, the bums, the streetlights.  Finally you just sit in a kind of stricken state and wait like you’re on the bus stop bench waiting for death.  People lose their minds on bus stop benches, I see them arguing with phantoms... Read More

Snowden

I am wandering the cold wet streets alone at night as dark figures slither in and out of shadows.  A conspiracy of whispers and crooked gestures with gnarled hands in the periphery.  Until their tenuous union is shattered by a tin can rattling on the concrete and they are gone.  Evaporating into the neon afterlife.  Only the haunting cry of a stray cat stalks my feet as they grind broken glass against black gravel in the off-color rainbow of grease... Read More

Hissing Cockroach

“Piss on you!”  Shirley screamed at me.  She’s the evil old lady that lives below me, just to set the record straight.  “Piss on you!”  I was stunned, laughing my ass off.  I had asked her not to have her construction people park in my spot.  They did it three days in a row and each time I reminded her to stay out of my parking spot.  Look, it’s a minor issue I know, but as I told her, I have never parked in her spot and there... Read More

Colossus

“This is the voice of world control. I bring you peace. It may be the peace of plenty and content or the peace of unburied death. The choice is yours: Obey me and live, or disobey and die. The object in constructing me was to prevent war. This object is attained. I will not permit war. It is wasteful and pointless. An invariable rule of humanity is that man is his own worst enemy. Under me, this rule will change, for I will restrain man. One... Read More

The Black Beast Strikes Back

I don’t know how many of you remember a few months ago when I posted about my g/f’s apartment complex and the horrible “black beast” whose lair is just below my g/f’s apartment.  Well in our last encounter the beast was ostensibly slain by our stomping drunken feet at 2AM.  She ran outside, screaming her pumpkin sized head off, and then retreated in defeat to the sound of our echoing laughter.  Her chanting, singing... Read More

The California Zombie King

What would you expect I dress up as for Halloween!?  Well you’re goddamn right… a fucking zombie!  I am the California Zombie King – no bullshit.  It was the best fucking Halloween ever so this article is a two parter.  First, how to act like The California Zombie King.  Second, how to look like The California Zombie King.  Get some! How to act like the California Zombie King: -          Drank many PBR’s while... Read More

Art Hole

Went to this art opening downtown San Diego the other night.  God, why do I do this to myself.  I like art, visual art is cool, and good art makes my gears turn – I like that.  I know some of the artists as well, and it’s cool to hang out with friends in a chill enviro, but goddamn it man, art people can be totally fucking annoying.  Ok, I get it, there’s a low entertainment value for static visual arts which means people will inevitably... Read More

Crackhead vs Power Windows

I was driving today on my way back from lunch and some crazy shit went down.  I was stopped at the traffic light on 25th and Market heading away from downtown and this crazy black bum came up to my passenger window and started screaming strange shit at me.  I turned down the radio and cracked the window three inches to hear what the crazy fucker was saying. Cracked out bum, “The word! The word! The word!” Me, “What’s the word?” Cracked... Read More

Kulturkampf (North Park is Dead)

My X-Box 360 got a red ring of death last night.  I found a gray hair this morning while applying my Rogaine… and North Park is dead! It was a strange day.  I woke up hungover.  My brain felt like it was wrapped in gauze, working its way through a slow burn.  My head felt obtuse, my hands clumsy.  I grabbed my laundry and headed for the Laundromat.  Powerlines hang over the city like a web.  The clunk of my coins into the machine was... Read More

Quantum Gallery

“Reality is non-local.” Not only do the elementary particles that make up the things we see around us not exist until they are observed, but they are not, at the most essential level, even identifiably separable from other such particles arbitrarily far away. Under the 15 Freeway next to Qualcomm stadium exists a hidden cache of street art and skateboard ramps that are the principal components to a ‘quantum gallery’.  This quantum... Read More