Hissing Cockroach

“Piss on you!”  Shirley screamed at me.  She’s the evil old lady that lives below me, just to set the record straight.  “Piss on you!”  I was stunned, laughing my ass off.  I had asked her not to have her construction people park in my spot.  They did it three days in a row and each time I reminded her to stay out of my parking spot.  Look, it’s a minor issue I know, but as I told her, I have never parked in her spot and there... Read More

The Black Beast Strikes Back

I don’t know how many of you remember a few months ago when I posted about my g/f’s apartment complex and the horrible “black beast” whose lair is just below my g/f’s apartment.  Well in our last encounter the beast was ostensibly slain by our stomping drunken feet at 2AM.  She ran outside, screaming her pumpkin sized head off, and then retreated in defeat to the sound of our echoing laughter.  Her chanting, singing... Read More

Exodus 9:23

When Moses stretched out his staff toward the sky, the LORD sent thunder and hail, and lightning flashed down to the ground. So the LORD rained hail on the land of Egypt; -Exodus 9:23 It’s 1 o’clock in the morning. I’ve been drinking vodka and Jagermeister. It’s the end of a long week. The last thing I want to hear is the frantic gospel madness of the Black Beast. Yeah, the same Black Beast who started trying to exorcize my girlfriend... Read More

The Black Beast

Now I’ve explained in detail on this site all the hardships I’ve had to endure with the feud between myself and my downstairs neighbor Shirley. The exploits of our feud have reached almost epic proportions. Last night I have come to realize that another feud has started right where I least expected it. My girlfriend lives in the Kensington area. She is on the second floor of her apartment complex. It’s a pretty nice place, but the problem is... Read More

War is Hell

While the US troubles in Iraq seem to be abating there are other battlefronts that have been in turn heating up.  The past few weeks have seen a marked escalation in the struggles between me and my downstairs nemesis (neighbor) the evil and insidious Shirley. The first struggle that got hot was in regards to the door leading to the stairs.  The door is right in front of Shirley’s apartment and she had complained to me for months about slamming... Read More

Shock and Awe

After discovering the perfect way to assault the evil SHIRLEY with water the other day I have taken pleasure in what I am now calling “BOMBING” her many times since. She has tried to come up and complain but I simply tell her that whatever the hell is going on in HER apartment is HER issue and stay the fuck away from me. I ain’t doing shit. I would feel bad about flooding the bitch to kingdom come but she had the fucking nerve to... Read More

How To: Kill a Tree

For legal purposes this blog will be written under the pen name of “Mr. Bloggs” One day Mr. Bloggs woke up and realized that the tree that his neighbors loved and cherished was totally pissing him off.  Not only were the leaves falling onto his property but the roots were destroying his garden and the trunk itself was slowly pushing over his fence.  His wonderful view of downtown Bloggsville was blocked by the menacing horrible tree.... Read More

“Crappling”

I got totally ripped last night at the Whistle Stop. Kiwidumps got so fucked up that when I got back home he tackled me to the ground and we got into this drunken ground grappling session where he would jab the hell out of me in the ribs the little fucker. I was so loaded that I was just flopping around like an asshole until Shirley from downstairs rescued me with a phone call. She sounded really pissed off, “It sounds like you’re coming... Read More