Kulturkampf (North Park is Dead)

My X-Box 360 got a red ring of death last night.  I found a gray hair this morning while applying my Rogaine… and North Park is dead! It was a strange day.  I woke up hungover.  My brain felt like it was wrapped in gauze, working its way through a slow burn.  My head felt obtuse, my hands clumsy.  I grabbed my laundry and headed for the Laundromat.  Powerlines hang over the city like a web.  The clunk of my coins into the machine was... Read More

Hipsters of the World, Unite!

Linkery žil, Linkery žije, Linkery bude žít..? If you’re looking for a great place to eat with friendly service and a good menu then stay the fuck away from The Linkery in North Park. I promise to you the place is run by fucking commies! First and foremost, you will be paying top dollar for a plate filled with fucking hotdogs!? I mean for two people to eat without even buying drinks you will drop around thirty bucks for four sausages total.... Read More

I Hate Whole Foods

I want to eat healthy, I want to do what is right for the environment, and I want to shop at a supermarket that supports these intentions, but I HATE WHOLE FOODS. The place is, at its most elementary level, a good idea.  Unfortunately in execution it is a judgmental left wing hippie hell hole.  I don’t like being judged for not filling my cart with all organic foods.  I don’t like being judged because my fucking clothes aren’t made out of... Read More