The Ecdysiast Dilemma

I woke up this morning on my couch with a hangover.  Yeah, welcome to my life.  My phone lay blinking on the coffee table, its tiny red eye telling me that I probably used it to conduct despicable deeds deep in the throes of another hypnotic drunk.  I start pulling memories from my head like weeds as I rummage through the pizza boxes that lay ravaged on the kitchen counter for a few edible scraps.  I had been up late listening to records and reading... Read More

Bully

I am a bully. I have come to the realization that I am a scum-sucking lowlife bully.  I have always thought of myself as a pretty happy-go-lucky drunk.  The kind of jolly boozer that only really makes an ass out of himself much to the amusement of everyone around him but with no real harm done.  Unfortunately for me, reality doesn’t give a shit about what I think about myself.  Two weekends in a row and after the unanimous decision of everyone... Read More

Scary Old Bum-like Prison-tatted Drug Clown

Well I read back over the ‘Logan’s Run’ entry here and I’ve decided that I’m being too hard on myself.  I’m not wearing a suit and tie, I don’t have an office and a secretary, I don’t have to kiss my boss’ ass on the daily.  This realization is a little too late though.  After taking on the position I’ve been subconsciously resisting my perceived chains.  Hard drinking, rock music, chasing women around.  Not the best of activities... Read More

The Snake Diet

I assassinated my soul with alcohol. Throughout history there have been many successful assassinations. Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by his own senators in front of the Theatre of Pompey. Twenty three stab wounds decorated his dead body, twenty three murderous knife thrusts. Mark David Chapman shot John Lenin four times on the street in front of his hotel. Bobby Kennedy was also shot four times by Sirhan Sirhan. Malcolm X was shot 16 times with... Read More

Stop, Drop, and Roll

It smells nice at first, nostalgic even.  Burning wood and charcoal embers seem almost appropriate in October.  It is a month of grey, orange, and black.  A month of dry grass blowing in the wind.  A month of pumpkin faces with fire in their eyes.  After a quick workout I called up my buddy Igor.  He had been laying fallow since the cancellation of his college courses for two straight days.  “Closed because of fire” is not an uncommon sight... Read More

40 Mike Mike

I have been TOTALLY slacking on this site for like 3 weeks. Well, long story short I was balls deep in some hardcore personal drama. I had to give myself a gay little pep talk to get this shit done right now, but I’m glad that I’m finally sitting down to update this meat. So. I have a funny collection of media to share. An old buddy of mine called me up at 6am with a wild voice message that simply needed a wider audience than my stupid... Read More

Air Raid Bitchez!

I went to the Red Bull Air Races on the San Diego Bay all day Saturday and it was TOTALLY BADASS! These little planes can do shit that I’ve never seen before. It was the coolest thing ever. My bro took his boat out and we basically pigged out on fried chicken and beer while planes did gnarly spins and turns and shit right overhead all day long. There was a Navy airshow as well and we got buzzed by a bunch of badass jets and shit. On top of all... Read More

Never Blog Drunk

I want to savage Chrissie Hynde. I don’t care if her tits suck. I don’t care if her face looks like the surface of the moon. I want to touch her skinny hips. I want my hands on her meaningful black t-shirt (sans sleeves). I want to get fucked up beyon d belief with Bowie and shoot mud with Lou Reed. I want to shoot a lot of shit with Lou. A lotta lotta lotta shit. I want the basketball diaries to look like ;dear abbey; when I pour my drug... Read More

Static, Static, Static… We’re on a Video Rage

I played PS3 with my buddy Bobby until 6am this morning. We drank a million gallons of Jack Daniels and destroyed a million terrorists on Rainbow 6 : Las Vegas. We also ate a million pieces of Papa Johns Italian Meats pizza. It was delicious. I slept on a couch for 3 hours. Now I am totally hung over, tired, I have some kind of bowel problem from all that cheese and whiskey, and i gotta drive up to Fullerton to have a BBQ with my mom. I ate a multi-vitamin... Read More

Memorial Dumps

Memorial Day weekend.  I got shithouse drunk last night in memory for being alive.  Here is the sordid list of details. - I got caught in the worst traffic ever.. it was so fucking bad that this goddamn bum in a bum-cart was going faster than me down the road.. fucking totally infuriating.  The worst thing about the bum-cart dude was that his rig was in no way motorized, it was just his dirty little sneakers slowly dragging the thing on down the... Read More