The Black Beast Strikes Back

I don’t know how many of you remember a few months ago when I posted about my g/f’s apartment complex and the horrible “black beast” whose lair is just below my g/f’s apartment.  Well in our last encounter the beast was ostensibly slain by our stomping drunken feet at 2AM.  She ran outside, screaming her pumpkin sized head off, and then retreated in defeat to the sound of our echoing laughter.  Her chanting, singing... Read More

“He [neighbor's "possessed" dog] won’t let me stop killing until he gets his fill of blood.” – David Berkowitz

I’ve been getting into a lot of fights lately.  Yeah, great, so fucking what.  Huge revelation there, right? Well the thing is that I really have never gotten into that many fights.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m no stranger to smashing a dude’s face in, but the frequency has definitely increased.  Another strange detail is that the reasons for these fights is just as mysterious as their recent frequency.  It’s not like I don’t know why... Read More

The Black Beast

Now I’ve explained in detail on this site all the hardships I’ve had to endure with the feud between myself and my downstairs neighbor Shirley. The exploits of our feud have reached almost epic proportions. Last night I have come to realize that another feud has started right where I least expected it. My girlfriend lives in the Kensington area. She is on the second floor of her apartment complex. It’s a pretty nice place, but the problem is... Read More

1-800-FUCK-YOU

Recent events have led me to the conclusion that 1-800-FLOWERS is the actual devil! I ordered a dozen fucking frezia for my sister on her birthday (in a clear glass  vase with a mylar ‘happy birthday’ balloon) and the fuckers never delivered it.  I was even up in L.A. doing that voice over crap for the Transformers movie and I went by her work and was expecting a big hug for being such a hero with flowers and crap and there was nothing... Read More