Art of the Asshole

A giant stinking pile of people have established the argument that the points I make here could be expressed with less venom. The largest contributing factor being the CultFit article. Essentially these people are telling me to “be nice”.  I irreverently make fun of shit when I could have written a carefully inoffensive and amiable little thesis regarding said topic.  They say that I shouldn’t exaggerate, don’t say mean things about people,... Read More

Video Games Don’t Make You Violent

Pure comedy.  A friend and I had an idea the other day to create an invention that sprays acid through the tv screen – this guy would be my first victim (if he wasn’t already my hero) YAY! AKPC_IDS += "3869,";Popularity: 5% [?] Read More

Aggravatron (The Angry Robot)

Today was one of those days where everything goes wrong. From beginning to end this day was a total nightmare. I should have known, in fact I even had forewarning that today was going to be a shit storm but I pressed forward like a good little automaton droid. It was a Monday first of all, which means that it has a suck factor right from the start. Next, I’m on the way to my truck at like 5:30 am and a goddamn skunk comes out of nowhere and tries... Read More

Chewbacca’s Girlfriend Plays Dodgeball

A glimmer of hope.  We crushed souls in our dodgeball game last night.  It was fun as shit.  We got the other team totally pissed off as usual.  In fact they were utterly gripped by fear and intimidation.  They tried taunting the players on our team but that is completely useless, we simply laugh at them.  The thing that was really pissing them off is when we would unleash our “demon roar” every time we threw the ball.  Then we... Read More

Dodgeball Bitch Boy

You know I completely forgot to give the rundown of the first game of the new dodgeball season!?! I must be going retarded. WE WON!  Which was pretty fun, as usual, but even more satisfying than victory was getting the other team’s captain so pissed off that he literally had a complete meltdown on the court.  It was fucking great.  One of our new players, a girl named Charlie, told us that the other captain (also named charlie) loses all... Read More

Fuck You Fatty!

The truth about fat people: USA Obesity Rates Reach Epidemic Proportions: - 58 Million Overweight; 40 Million Obese; 3 Million morbidly Obese - Eight out of 10 over 25′s Overweight - 78% of American’s not meeting basic activity level recommendations - 25% completely Sedentary - 76% increase in Type II diabetes in adults 30-40 yrs old since 1990 - Being disgustingly obese is not a right or priveledge and all fat people should be slaughtered. ... Read More

1-800-FUCK-YOU

Recent events have led me to the conclusion that 1-800-FLOWERS is the actual devil! I ordered a dozen fucking frezia for my sister on her birthday (in a clear glass  vase with a mylar ‘happy birthday’ balloon) and the fuckers never delivered it.  I was even up in L.A. doing that voice over crap for the Transformers movie and I went by her work and was expecting a big hug for being such a hero with flowers and crap and there was nothing... Read More

Kill the Survivor

FUCKING PEOPLE!!! I am already at critical mass with these sappy pathetic losers all crying and whining about the VA Tech shit.  YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL!  YOU ARE NOT PART OF ANYTHING!  SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ASSHOLES! I hate how everyone wants to be all touchy-feely about ‘issues’ and ‘being nice’ after this kind of stuff goes down.  I must have X’d a thousand internet bulletins telling me to put a fucking VA Tech flag... Read More

“Darnell”

Went out boozin last night, and it was time for a little release. The team has been getting more and more fed up with the idiotic jews and their ridiculous ways. Our methods for coping with their stupidity have become more and more malicious as time goes on. We don’t even want to go to restaurants or hit up bars in Israel any more – rather just go to one of the terretories and give our money to the palestinian stores and bars. You know... Read More

“Kiwidumps”

Kiwi and I finally beat GTA: San Andreas today… big life goal accomplished, I know, but that game is pretty cool. It’s tough to follow through with something that has so much instant gratification value built into just going around and doing stuff. Kiwi is so good at the cheat codes that he can blast out whatever he needs, matrix style, totally unconsciously.. Example: he is running down the street, wants a shotgun *poof* shotgun appears... Read More