The Snake Diet

I assassinated my soul with alcohol. Throughout history there have been many successful assassinations. Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by his own senators in front of the Theatre of Pompey. Twenty three stab wounds decorated his dead body, twenty three murderous knife thrusts. Mark David Chapman shot John Lenin four times on the street in front of his hotel. Bobby Kennedy was also shot four times by Sirhan Sirhan. Malcolm X was shot 16 times with... Read More

Stop, Drop, and Roll

It smells nice at first, nostalgic even.  Burning wood and charcoal embers seem almost appropriate in October.  It is a month of grey, orange, and black.  A month of dry grass blowing in the wind.  A month of pumpkin faces with fire in their eyes.  After a quick workout I called up my buddy Igor.  He had been laying fallow since the cancellation of his college courses for two straight days.  “Closed because of fire” is not an uncommon sight... Read More

40 Mike Mike

I have been TOTALLY slacking on this site for like 3 weeks. Well, long story short I was balls deep in some hardcore personal drama. I had to give myself a gay little pep talk to get this shit done right now, but I’m glad that I’m finally sitting down to update this meat. So. I have a funny collection of media to share. An old buddy of mine called me up at 6am with a wild voice message that simply needed a wider audience than my stupid... Read More

Air Raid Bitchez!

I went to the Red Bull Air Races on the San Diego Bay all day Saturday and it was TOTALLY BADASS! These little planes can do shit that I’ve never seen before. It was the coolest thing ever. My bro took his boat out and we basically pigged out on fried chicken and beer while planes did gnarly spins and turns and shit right overhead all day long. There was a Navy airshow as well and we got buzzed by a bunch of badass jets and shit. On top of all... Read More

Static, Static, Static… We’re on a Video Rage

I played PS3 with my buddy Bobby until 6am this morning. We drank a million gallons of Jack Daniels and destroyed a million terrorists on Rainbow 6 : Las Vegas. We also ate a million pieces of Papa Johns Italian Meats pizza. It was delicious. I slept on a couch for 3 hours. Now I am totally hung over, tired, I have some kind of bowel problem from all that cheese and whiskey, and i gotta drive up to Fullerton to have a BBQ with my mom. I ate a multi-vitamin... Read More

Viva Los Diablos Locos

Our dodgeball team totally crushed the opposition again tonight.  It was a fucking total slaughter!  We played the green team tonight, I think they were called Kermit’s Rash or something like that.  Regardless, we totally crushed them.  I got out like a total dumbass in the first game because I thought the ref blew the whistle, total bullshit, but no biggie – we still crushed them.  In game two it must have been the fastest dodgeball... Read More

Hoo-Yah Hollywood

8 navy seals totally bored on a Hollywood movie set = total hilarity. My alarm cranked off at 2:30am. Time to get up, I was on my way up to L.A. for another weekend of total mayhem on the set of the Will Smith action-comedy-drama “John Hancock”. I picked up Bobby and we somehow make amazing time. It only took us an hour and a half to finish the commute which left us with a large chunk of unused time. We decided to just let the AC run and sleep... Read More

Dodgeball Bitch Boy

You know I completely forgot to give the rundown of the first game of the new dodgeball season!?! I must be going retarded. WE WON!  Which was pretty fun, as usual, but even more satisfying than victory was getting the other team’s captain so pissed off that he literally had a complete meltdown on the court.  It was fucking great.  One of our new players, a girl named Charlie, told us that the other captain (also named charlie) loses all... Read More

El Diablo

It was total destruction. It was total mayhem. It was total victory! We completely crushed the opposition.  Dodgeball is the best fucking game ever.  I love it.  Their team name was the “Beach Boozers” but by the time we were done with them they felt more like the “bitch losers”.  Its been a long time since I’ve felt the competitive juices surging through my body.  Coursing through my veins like hot magma.  The hunger to rip somebody’s... Read More

NEKROMANTIX!

I am a wreck this morning, but the NEKROMANTIX concert was fucking BADASS!!!! *BUT* where the fuck does the san diego HOB get off charging 16 bucks for a redbull vodka!?!?!?!?!?! that is just fucking insane… whats more insane is that I paid it over and over and over again.  Oh fuck I’m gonna go dry heave for a while . AKPC_IDS += "308,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More