Serpentor

I walk into the sandwich shop. I was starving. I just wanted to grab a quick bite, something somewhat healthy, before I get too grouchy and start crabbing at people for no reason. It happens whenever I’m hungry, I start to lose my shit and all I can do is eat before I end up going postal. I was already pretty out of it. Working nights always tweaks my mindset – I float through the days in a valium haze.

The woman behind the counter was pretty fat. She had one of those fat faces, the kind that looks like a big angry witch, the chin all big and pointy, sunken slanted eyes with a dirty look in them, cheeks that are so full that they bend her visage into something askew, deep make-up plastered pock marks here and there. She asks me about my tattoos, I give her a quick rundown. The same stupid mark-1 mod-0 answer I give to all meaningless people. “Blah blah blah machinery, alien flesh, chaos, consciousness, death.” She says she saw a TV show the other day where they were saying that people look like certain types of animals. She then says that I look like a snake to her. A snake. She then says that I look dangerous, scary.

Really!?

Fuck you lady! I don’t need this shit. I just wanted to get a fucking sandwich, you hag. Do you have any idea the week I’ve had? Come the fuck on. A snake, really? The archetypal image of evil in every human culture? So what the fuck am I the fucking devil!?

Now I’m sure you all expect, if you’ve read any of my crap on here before, that I give her both barrels and leave her ruined. Well I didn’t. I just ordered my stupid sandwich and left. I just wanted a fucking sandwich, not to be judged by some twisted Judeo-Christian mind control. I mean, who the fuck are you anyway you repulsive sandwich shrew? Keep your television propaganda to yourself lady, I could burn your whole life to the ground. What the fuck!? Where do these fucktards get off thinking I want to hear about their television lives?  I can only imagine the caved in spot on the couch crying out in horror as your obese ass sits for countless hours as your life drips off of your bloated carcass like pork fat in a fire.

Regardless, I still had to go get a haircut, my Mohawk was turning into something weird as it grew out (thanks male pattern baldness), and I needed to get cleaned up. I’m trying to pull my head out of the toilet, apparently I’ve been drowning there for a while now, just ask my ex-girlfriend.

I picked up a bunch of BBQ stuff at Costco. Extra lean ground beef, buns, sliced pepper jack cheese, lettuce, condiments, that kind of crap. I even snagged this badass kit of BBQ tools from Cock Balls and Beyond. I was kick-starting a BBQ at work tonight so I wanted it to be awesome. Sometimes you have to take complete initiative in order to get things done. All these committees and sign up lists and assigned duties, it all turns to shit. People are completely lazy so if you don’t just ramrod it will probably never happen. I was trying to get some momentum going at work. We’ve been working nights, guys are coming together because everyone is cool as fuck, but we need some canonizing events to forge the team. Nothing works better than a BBQ.

Most of my free time lately has been spent reading about the US Constitution, the D of I, and the founding fathers as well as battling my way to the end of some more Ayn Rand. Well, reading a lot and preparing for the revolution. Setting up rally points, getting my kit together, setting plans and precautions with all my close buddies, stockpiling guns – you know, ‘crazy militia weirdo’ stuff. Everybody relax, I’m not joining a militia… I’m not a joiner; I’m more of an outsider, a misfit. I don’t think there’s any fear of me losing my mind and becoming a rooftop sniper or blowing up university professors, but just the world around me these days seems so oppressive. I usually rail against the oppression imposed by stupidity, modern technology gone awry, and psychological forces on here, but lately I’ve been delving into the oppression of individual rights in America… more so, what the fuck happened to them!?

I was talking to my coworker at the BBQ and he was like, “Dude, do you really think a revolution is coming?” My answer was simply, “Bro, I think we’re already in a war, but it’s a war of ideas. The thing is that there aren’t any bombs going off or guns shooting so nobody knows that anything is even going on.”  But the truth is that I tend to dive into stuff full power – but don’t fear for me losing myself into the American flag bandanna wearing, ‘don’t tread on me’ bumper sticker sporting… well actually, Dave did just order a bunch of badass bumper stickers and he said I could have the ones he doesn’t want I the thought of that got me fired up…  belay my last.  I am turning into a ‘from my cold dead hands’ crazy person, where’s my moonshine?

All bullshit aside, just in case anyone was wondering the kind of stuff that is causing me concern, check this out. The ten planks of communism as detailed in the Communist Manifesto, if you don’t believe me look it up yourself. I’m not going to write an explanation of how each of these is rocking America, but I think you’ll see where I’m going with this.

1. Abolition of private property and the application of all rents of land to public purposes.

2. A heavy progressive or graduated income tax.

3. Abolition of all rights of inheritance.

4. Confiscation of the property of all emigrants and rebels.

5. Centralization of credit in the hands of the state, by means of a national bank with State capital and an exclusive monopoly.

6. Centralization of the means of communications and transportation in the hands of the State.

7. Extension of factories and instruments of production owned by the state, the bringing into cultivation of waste lands, and the improvement of the soil generally in accordance with a common plan.

8. Equal liability of all to labor. Establishment of industrial armies, especially for agriculture.

9. Combination of agriculture with manufacturing industries, gradual abolition of the distinction between town and country, by a more equitable distribution of population over the country.

10. Free education for all children in public schools. Abolition of children’s factory labor in its present form. Combination of education with industrial production.

Fuck man, I am turning into one of those militia freaks. Maybe that lady was right, maybe I am the fucking devil. I need a vacation.

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