The California Zombie King
What would you expect I dress up as for Halloween!? Well you’re goddamn right… a fucking zombie! I am the California Zombie King – no bullshit. It was the best fucking Halloween ever so this article is a two parter. First, how to act like The California Zombie King. Second, how to look like The California Zombie King. Get some!
How to act like the California Zombie King:
- Drank many PBR’s while putting costume on and getting ready
- Pounded whiskey and 7-up hard before heading out
- Costume was absolutely freakish, even close friends were having an extremely difficult time looking at or talking with me
- A ghetto black woman forcefully pushed her child at me to scare it, it screamed in horror as she held it close to me. It was scared, I was kind of scared too
- Drank way too many shots of Jager at the bar
- Pounded double vodka crans like I had five minutes to live
- Costume was an acid test for personality where only the most die-hard people would come up and hang out while the rest kept a measurable distance
- Jumped, groped, and moaned at everyone that walked by
- Danced like in the Michael Jackson Thriller video
- My bro, who was an evil priest, was sticking his fingers in the bloody latex holes in my neck while chanting satanic verses over an actual burnt Christian bible
- Rose from the grave as my evil priest buddy performed more satanic rituals in the bar
- Bit people with my nasty zombie teeth
- Everyone I came in contact with was smeared with sticky stage blood
- Removed my nasty zombie teeth and tried to put them in my g/f’s mouth, she protested, so I put them back in
- Walked out of the bar and got lost because I was so drunk
- Wandered the streets of downtown San Diego wasted off my ass yet stayed in character the entire time moaning and stumbling at people as I passed (zombie behavior is very similar to complete drunkenness – sweet)
- Blacked out completely
- Woke up in the bed of my truck
- Tried to use my cell phone but it was encrusted with stage blood and completely useless, not to mention that I was too drunk to read the screen
- Walked to 7-11 and found my friends buying late night snacks
- Somehow got separated again walking back to my buddies’ house
- Got talked shit at me by Scooby-doo to which I replied “Fuck you Scooby-Doo!”
- Got into a brawl with Scooby, Fred, and Shaggy while Daphne and Velma screamed
- After kicking all their asses briefly I then chased them down the street just like in the goddamn cartoon, they were scared out of their minds
- I was now limping slightly from kicking Scooby in the head when he was on the ground
- Limped back to my buddies house but was locked out
- Took a shovel off my friends truck and tried to bash open the back door with it, unsuccessfully (yes the door was ruined)
- Crawled back into the bed of my truck and started to peel the latex off my face and throw it at the moon
- My g/f found me and finally took me home not before I threw a minor temper tantrum in the parking lot
- I get home unable to walk and crawled under the rug thinking it was my bedsheets
- G/f took pictures to commemorate the occasion (thanks)
- Finally got into bed
- G/f force fed me a multi vitamin and some Tylenol
- I jump up and stumble to the kitchen just in time to puke my guts out
- I pulled my white contacts out and left them in a mug of beer in the kitchen
- I removed my nasty zombie teeth and left them in a pizza box
- I passed out with the rest of my shit still on in a sticky nasty mess on my bed
- Fin
How to look like the California Zombie King:
Gear List:
- White contact lenses
You can get these off Amazon.com without a prescription in 2-3 days
- Redneck porcelain teeth
Can get these off any legit costume store or online. Just get the nastiest ones, for some reason redneck teeth and zombie teeth are remarkably similar.
- Clear liquid latex
I use Graftobian brand clear liquid latex. Must be clear, white (or any other color) will come out crappy looking and stupid.
- Monster make-up kit
Colors required: green, blue, grey, red, black, and some flesh color.
Need applicator sponges and paint brushes.
- Thrift store clothes
I personally think the suit and tie look zombified is the best, but it’s your call.
- Stage blood
The Composite Effects (CFX) thick brown stage blood is the best. All others are too red and look like strawberry syrup.
- Bleach
- Spray bottle
- Scissors
- Black spray paint
Matte finish / primer works best.
- Toilet paper
- Empty 8oz water bottle with lid
- Pocket knife
- White rice (optional)
Order of Operations:
Uniform: Cut up the clothes to your liking. Use the bleach in the spray bottle to white out parts of the outfit, this adds an awesome splatter grunge effect. Spray paint the uniform in spots to make it look nasty and dirty. Lay uniform on ground and splatter stage blood all over it. Let it sit while you do your make-up so that the blood will soak in and dry for a while.
Make-Up: Put your white contacts in first so you don’t cry or smudge your make-up later on. Apply liquid latex to face, arms, and wherever else you want. IMPORTAINT: SHAVE ALL HAIR BEFORE APPLYING LATEX! Use the toilet paper to help build up layers of latex, do this by sponging latex onto the spot then laying a sheet of TP on it until it halfway dries, then peel away the tp and a bunch will be stuck into the latex. Create a bunch of layers as desired. Peel and pole holes in the latex as it dries for cuts/rotting/sores effect. Apply rice in layers of latex for maggot effect. Let latex dry then apply flesh color to blend with skin. Now apply all your base colors of gray, green, and blue (zombie skin). Next apply red to cuts and raw flesh. Finally apply black around eyes and blend all colors together for realistic appearance.
* trick * Put a bunch of liquid latex on your arm and let it dry. This can be done with or without application of toilet paper depending on desired effect. Do not apply make-up to this. Rub, peel, and pole holes in it so that it looks like rotting flesh. Now use only stage blood to color – creates extremely gruesome effect of bloody rotting meat.
Put your uniform on.
Now take the empty water bottle and fill it half way with stage blood. Take the knife and stab a hole or two in the top of the bottle. Apply the blood all over your head, face, body, and arms. Allow to sit for a few minutes while it drips and dries into position. I recommend doing this in a space that can be cleaned easily, you are going to drip blood on the ground and basically make a huge mess.
Go ahead and put your nasty zombie teeth in.
You are now a zombie, time to start partying!
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haha- fucking classic