Crackhead vs Power Windows

I was driving today on my way back from lunch and some crazy shit went down.  I was stopped at the traffic light on 25^th and Market heading away from downtown and this crazy black bum came up to my passenger window and started screaming strange shit at me.  I turned down the radio and cracked the window three inches to hear what the crazy fucker was saying.

Cracked out bum, “The word! The word! The word!”

Me, “What’s the word?”

Cracked out bum, “The WORD!!?! The jobs are in the word, the power is here, in the word, in HERE!”

He produces a dirty sweat soaked bible from under his greasy shirt and presses it up against the window.

Me (cordially fucking with him), “Yeah dude, the word… the WORD!”

Cracked out bum (looking confused), “Behold behold! I will corrupt your sperm and spread shit on your face!! That’s what it says! It’s the WORD!”

Me (partially grossed out), “Whatever dude, ‘BIRD’ is the ‘WORD’! Thunderbird!”

He is now reaching his fingers up over the crack of the window into my truck.  I’m already pissed off because no bum should even be stepping up to my badass truckasaurus, and then to be speaking disgusting bible madness, especially with an irreverent shaved ape driving it.  What the fuck is going on in the world today!?  Fucking madness!  Now when some crazy fuck creeps up on my ride its usually no big deal, I mean I’ve got technology on my side.  Power door locks bolt me down like a bank vault, and power windows can fucking chop fingers man!

So this crazy fuck is reaching into my window with these long black nasty looking fingers.  God knows the shit he was doing with those dirty nasty shits before creeping in on my truck, so I get totally irritated.

Me, “Get the fuck away from my car you crazy fuck! Fuck off and die!”

The crack-bum loses his mind (pun intended) at this point.  He starts screaming and smacking the window with his dirty bible.  My truck is being bible beaten.  I can see his frenzied eyes looking at the lock and the door handle inside my car, he is imagining getting that goddamn door open.  He’s imagining beating me, raping me, teaching me ‘the word’.   His bloodshot yellow eyes flick around frantically until they freeze on my face.  He can see that I’m smirking, evilly, I know something that he doesn’t.  My finger presses down on the button and the window powers up and crushes his fingers.

He screams in agony and rage.  He drops his bible and is freaking out.  He cannot get his fingers out of the window and he is slobbering and screaming at me through the glass.  I watch his finger tips writhe inside my car like dirty black worms being tortured.  I start to fuck with him even more.  I cup my hand around my ear as if I can’t make out what he is saying and mouth the words “What? What are you saying?”   He is no longer speaking in human language, it’s all insane animal sounds now.  Just pure blathering.  The light turns green.  I wave goodbye, mouth the words ‘have a nice day’, and hit the gas.  His eyes are like giant drugged out moons in a smokey red sky.  I lower the window just enough for his grody digits to squeeze out as I pull away.  I am laughing at the fucker.  He picked the wrong truck to fuck with, I mean what the fuck are you thinking sticking your dirty bum trash-pickers into my badass motherfucking truck!?  I look back in my rearview at the dude standing in the middle of the street giving the black power fist with his right hand as traffic is honking and swerving around him.  His bible lays open at his feet, the pages blowing wildly in the intersection.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Related posts:

1. Window Lickers (.com)
2. Exodus 9:23
3. “Luxuriating”
4. Car Ramrod
5. The California Zombie King