James Earl Ray Day
A brand new door, a drunken beat down, and the worst parade ever – MLK weekend go fuck yourself.
The story begins on Friday. The end of a long and busy week. All I wanted to do was drink my mind into another dimension and maybe eat some greasy food to cap it off. I headed down to the Waterfront in Little Italy. Seemed like just what the doctor ordered. It was out of the way, quiet, peaceful, and a little classier than the places I’ve been slumming it at recently. No chance of drama, no chance of bullshit – well that’s what I thought.
A couple vodka redbulls and before you know it I was brimming with rage. I’m not going out looking for shit, but when it finds me I don’t ignore it and I sure as hell don’t back down from it. I look down to the end of the bar and some creepy dude is sitting there just staring at me. I blow it off, ignore the fucker, probably just a fag too drunk to hide his perversions in public. I ignore the asshole until he walks right by, creepy alcohol glazed eyes peering directly at me, my stomach churns at the presence of his unblinking tractor beam.
Me, “Hey, what the fuck dude!? Why are you fucking staring at me!? You look like a goddamn child molester.”
Molester Fag, “Fuck you! I will fight you right fucking now. Any time, any where! Lets go outside!”
Me, in honest to god shock and awe “What!? What the fuck is wrong with you!? Fuck you you goddamn child molester. Fuck off and walk away bitch!”
Molester Fag, continues to creep stare me as he walks off.
I was actually being cool about the whole thing by letting the fag walk it off – but he must have just been itching for a fight. Fast forward to closing time. I polish off my final bev, link arms with my lady and head for the door. Well wouldn’t you fucking know it that the goddamn Molester Fag is camped out right at the exit, staring directly at me. I walk forward through the crowd as his eyes sickeningly caress me up and down with either sexual or violent hunger (I can’t determine which). He’s already shown reactionary and violent tendencies so my guard is up. I get a few feet away, he raises his head in a “fuck you” gesture, and I finally hit my fucking limit. I lunge forward fists cocked. From the top rope I come down like a bomb smashing my right fist like a hate-filled cinderblock directly into the center of his face with a satisfying crunch. A second heavy right slams home again right in his stammering mouth as he goes unconscious and falls to the floor like a bag of used dogshit. I step forward to finish the confrontation in style by systematically stomping his molester head into the ground to the furious unheard rhythm of the hate music screaming in my brain. Fate steps in, the surging panicked crowd in combo with my g/f yanking my arm causes me to lose my balance and I stumble back. Knowing that the ground is a bad place in a brawl I quickly jump to my feet ready to rock only to see the molester fag squirming in pain, confusion, and humiliation on the ground before me. I laugh heartily and walk out of the bar.
Nobody has any idea what the fuck is going on because the confrontation happened so quickly. I calmly walk across the street laughing my ass off. Some crazy chick comes out of the bar and starts screaming bloody murder. She is totally drunk and thinks I hit a chick. Stupid bitch has no idea what really happened. I just laugh, throw her the bird, and walk away.
I wake up the next morning with a slight hangover and a deep hunger for pancakes. After picking up my truck where I left it at the bar I head for the Mission for some mega-breakfast. All of downtown is clogged up, the roads blocked off, and masses of what appear to be welfare-zombies are wandering through the streets.
Its the goddamn MLK parade. What a joke. But I suppose its only appropriate that MLK’s legacy is the shoddiest and most pathetic parade I’ve ever seen on planet earth. It was like a rehab parade. The only way they could even get people to come is pass out welfare checks at the conclusion. There were only about 50% black dudes in the parade anyway. It was like all fat Mexicans and a downs syndrome cheerleading squad. There was a stake truck loaded with chanting morons and several ghetto-rides with makeshift banners attached – probably selling drugs along the parade route.
How is a pitiable walking freak show a tribute to some dude who fought for racial equality I will never know. All I can say is this, the wretched and nauseating masses that waddled in parade on MLK weekend only made me want to genocide their asses. I was embarrassed that they are in my same species – truly horrible creatures.
It was like a parade of retards all drooling and moaning all over each other to hip hop and carnival music. It was like some ghastly level of hell – the level filled with all the mutants and cripples and brainless freaks. A hundred downs faces and a hundred cleft palettes all sloppering like crazy at a hot-dog eating competition. Unabashedly celebrating to the lackluster cheers of poverty racked losers all the while completely unaware as to how truly disgusting they really are. The kind of human garbage that you wouldn’t kill with a ninja sword for fear that their slimy goopy guts would corrupt the pristine blade.
I just read an article in The Atlantic decrying the death of white America. In summary the article states that white people are culturally bankrupt and envy the other minorities who are culturally rich. I say to that article what I say to that parade, I am goddamn proud to be white. Not shaved head and red suspenders proud, but if any race is culturally bankrupt it is the blacks. They have been cut off from history and nationality. As Governor Palin so notably discovered, Africa is not a country. When white dudes kicked the shit out of the tribes and monkey caves and crap and made those black dudes their slaves they became from that point forward no longer grounded historically. Their history essentially begins in a cotton field somewhere down south in toothless fuck-your-sister hillbilly land (which is not the good ones by any stretch). Their tribal/national identity was erased, their language was erased, their traditions were erased, their whole way of life was totally amputated. They adopted and adapted into the dominant culture of America and have attempted to find their niche accordingly. Simply because the president elect is a black dude in no way expresses or supports the idea that white culture is bankrupt in America.
Additionally I suppose I would be slacking off if I gave one fucking inch to MLK himself. The guy may have championed civil equality and human rights but is that enough to get your own holiday!? Fuck no! Every achievement by all our nations greatest presidents only get one day. All our countries war heroes share one day. Yet somehow MLK gets his own day!? Bullshit.
Martin Luther King Day is a fucking farce. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love a day off – three day weekends allow me to indulge in excess to a level I haven’t attempted since college. But parades and memorials to honor MLK is just totally ridiculous.
Why, you may ask, is MLK not worthy of praise and celebration? Well let me set the record straight on this piece of shit.
1. His name wasn’t Martin Luther. It was Michael. Some say he changed it to have a more important and prominent sound to it, some say it was originally intended to be Martin Luther but it got fucked up on the birth certificate – bottom line is this, to this day, he lived and died as Michael King.
2. While working on his dissertation for his doctoral degree at Boston University, he heavily plagiarized from another author who had done research on a subject similar to King’s. As academic committee later found that over half of King’s work was plagiarized, yet would not revoke his doctorate. King was dead by this time, and the committee ruled that revoking the title would serve no purpose. It was also discovered that King’s famous I HAVE A DREAM speech was also not his own. He stole it from a sermon by Archibald Carey, a popular black preacher in the 1950′s.
3. King was under FBI surveillance for several years (until he died) due to his confirmed ties with communist organizations throughout the country. King accepted money from the organizations to fund his movements. In return, King had to appoint communist leaders to run certain districts of his SCLC (Southern Christian Leadership Conference), who then could project their communist ideas to larger audiences. A federal judge in the 60′s ruled that the FBI files on King links to communism to remain top-secret until 2027. Senator Jesse Helms appealed to the Supreme Court in 1983 to release the files, so the correct bill in the Senate to create the Martin Luther King Federal Holiday could be abolished. He was denied.
4. One of King’s closest friends, Rev. Ralph Abernathy, wrote a book in 1989 in which he talked about King’s obsession with white prostitutes. King would often use church donations to have drunken sex parties, where he would hire two to three white prostitutes, occasionally beating them brutally. This has also been reported by the FBI agents who monitored King and documented all these activities. King was married with four children.
Now I’m not trying to take anything away from black people. You want your heroes, well go ahead and have them, just don’t expect me to buy into your bullshit just because you’re black, a minority, or had at one time been slaves. I really don’t fucking care about any of that shit. I didn’t do it, I didn’t choose it, I don’t endorse it, so I’m not going to feel responsible for it. Race is a non-issue for me. Actions and choices define a man’s character, not skin color. I’m not going to be bullied by racism black or white, I’m not going to allow tyrannical ideologies like Political Correctness weigh on me because I don’t fucking care what jingoistic liberals think about me. I drink alcohol squeezed from fermented stuff. I eat meat made from dead beasts that had short and terrible lives. I wear clothes that are stylish, rugged, comfortable, and not in any way kind to planet earth. I drive a large badass pickup truck that is fueled by ground up dinosaur bones. The exhaust from my truck is making a hole in the sky. I do not recycle in any way because that is what bums are for. I think that smelling like b.o. is not attractive and in no way augments liberal viewpoints (no, not even when soaked in patchouli grease). I will like or dislike whatever or whoever the fuck I want to – and even go so far as to tell you about it right to your face – because this is fucking America and that’s what it’s all about.
You know, I look at the news coming out of the country of Africa, and have heard hundreds of stories from buddies who have been there as well as South Africans who live there, and it is just fucking amazing. The place is a total and complete shit-hole. There is no art, no science, no music, no culture, no progress at all being created there. The place is a violent, ignorant, and disease ridden cesspool. I think that being enslaved by white dudes and brought to America is about the best thing that ever happened to black people – well maybe not the best thing ever, but its a hell of a lot better quality of life in America than any single part of the dark continent. You wanted equal rights, well you got them because you deserve them, and before women did might I add, but there is no women’s day or women’s history month – and you are not more equal just because you got that shit late. Being a victim of history does not entitle you to more rights or privileges than anyone else. Nobody cares about your pain but you. Just shut the fuck up and deal with it. You have equal rights, a black president, and a fucking parade. Just pick a better hero and don’t expect me to believe all your bullshit just as I don’t expect you to believe all of mine.
96% of black people voted for Obama. Actions that defy reason or logic made simply on a racial basis – I understand it, but I will not support it. Voting for Obama simply because he is black… that is racism.
I was listening to the radio and apparently tomorrow, 20 January 2009, will be the most expensive presidential inauguration in history….!?
$160,000,000.00
That’s one hundred and sixty million taxpayer dollars to you and me – at a time when our nation is facing perhaps its greatest economic meltdown ever. What the fuck!? And on top of that Obama is expected to spend $775 billion on economic recovery (not to mention the $350 billion still left in the stimulus fund). I really don’t know what to say except that (and I quote)…
“Let welfare ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let welfare ring from the curvaceous white slopes of California!
But not only that; let welfare ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let welfare ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let welfare ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let welfare ring.
And when this happens, when we allow welfare to ring,when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God’s children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, “Rich at last! rich at last! thank God Almighty, we are rich at last!”
Getting sidetracked here… noted.
So aside from debunking bullshit parades and knocking the shit out of creepy molester fags in upscale bars I spent the rest of the weekend replacing the front door to my condo (which the police so kindly smashed down with a giant battering ram when I was having a drunken disaster of a night a few months ago). At least I got that going for me – so until next time, happy James Earl Ray Day.
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