Aggravatron (The Angry Robot)

Today was one of those days where everything goes wrong. From beginning to end this day was a total nightmare. I should have known, in fact I even had forewarning that today was going to be a shit storm but I pressed forward like a good little automaton droid.

It was a Monday first of all, which means that it has a suck factor right from the start. Next, I’m on the way to my truck at like 5:30 am and a goddamn skunk comes out of nowhere and tries to hose me down. I end up running around in this big circle to avoid getting sprayed by the motherfucker. I swear nature fucking hates me or something. Shit like that is a 100% certifiable omen. I mean, getting into a car wreck or falling off the curb is just dumb luck, but when something totally out of your control – something completely in the hands of the universe fucks with you, well that’s when you should just call in sick and go back to bed.

I get into the office only to be bombarded by the images of Bush having shoes thrown at him by a goddamn Arab reporter. What the fuck!? I mean, love him or hate him he is still the fucking president of the United States. He is the symbol of the American people and our way of life. This shit pisses me off in seven directions so let me clarify my hate.

First of all, hello Secret Service!? That dude should have his head blown off before the second shoe was off his foot. What the fuck are you fuckers doing!? I know that your ranks consist mostly of fat, useless, lazy, retired Marines and other non-thinkers, but snap the fuck out of it. Fuck man, I would have beaten the fucking hell out of that dirt monkey if I had been there – that’s like a Secret Service dude’s wet dream or something – to jump in front of flying footwear. I mean, if you can throw a shoe you could definitely throw something that could cause some damage, like a nice wrist watch, your clipboard, or maybe even that little tape recorder that reporters are always carrying around. I think that even though to the dirt-monkeys the shoe was more symbolic, imagine the effect if you nailed the Prez with a tape-recorder that was on record?

Second, this is the last image America needs circulated around planet earth right now. I mean, shit is not going mega-good and the we don’t really dig on the image of a fucking Muslim throwing his Addidas at the President.

Third, and this one pisses me off maybe even more that the other two combined, I know that there are liberal, hippie, tree-hugging, fags who are celebrating this shit. I mean, there is some serious Bush hating going on in America these days, I’ve even talked about it before on here, but to celebrate the pelting of the American President with shoes fires me right the fuck up. I don’t know who I would rather beat to death with a tire-iron, the filthy Muslim dirt monkey who cheers in Iraq, or the filthy hippie tree-fag who cheers here in America. Tough question.

Aside from that I am completely pissed off at San Diego drivers. Hello people, you are all idiots! Learn how not to drive like a fucking fag just because its raining. No, its not OK to cut me off without using your signals in the rain. No, its not OK to drive 30 miles an hour on the freeway in the rain. The world is not coming to an end until 2012, so just pretend like you still have some goddamn balls and step on the fucking gas pedal.

About the only other thing that really is making me angry is the idea that we are bailing out the fucking auto industry. Like what the fucking FUCK!? Tell me if this makes any goddamn sense at all. GM makes the fucking Hummer, the largest, ugliest, most ridiculous of all gas-guzzlers on planet earth. Basically a car for guys who have tiny little dicks and women who wish they were guys. Gas prices skyrocketed to over $4.50 a gallon so obviously people are not going to buy a fucking Hummer no matter how stupid your ad campaign is. The company faulters, and now we’re giving massive amounts of everybody’s cash to a company that has no common sense to start out with. A company that makes shitty products which are the reason they are failing, nobody is buying their crap but we are going to just give them cash for fun!?!? Is that very American? Hell no! If a company sucks it goes out of business and a more badass company takes its place. I don’t give a shit how many people work for GM, they should have known better than to make Hummers in a gas crisis. They are all responsible and I have no fucking sympathy. What the fuck is going to happen anyway, they are going to lay off millions of people just to make the budget balanced and still keep pumping out stupid cars. Fuck that!

You know what, I have never been so proud to drive a Ford. My 2001 Ford F-150 Off-Road is more American than ever right now. Fuck yeah! Fuck you Chevy. Fuck you Chrysler. Fuck you GM. You fags are getting an unfair, un-American advantage over a wholly American car company that actually has enough savvy to keep their business afloat in tough times. I am so damn proud of Ford I don’t even know what else to really say except that…

I will NEVER buy GM.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Related posts:

1. Robot Monster
2. Kill the Survivor
3. Robot Music
4. “Kiwidumps”
5. Sea Creatures