Temptation
What would you do?
What would you do if somebody offered you 100,000 dollars just to do a job that you promised yourself you would never do again? Not only that but an obscene salary for the job itself..?
Is this selling out? Is this a compromise of your principles? Is this wrong?
I feel like Achilles before the Trojan war. His mother told him true, if he stays then she forsaw a wonderful happy life – if he goes, he will become a legend, but die to achieve it.
I could very well be 160,000$$$ richer in just 2 months time. This is real money, no joke, no scam, cash. I may get killed earning this cash but the job itself is real and one that I’ve done more times than I want to think about.
Right now my life is virtually in ruins. No girl, no job, no future. Money running out, patience running out, sanity running out.
But are my values running out too? I don’t know.
Obviously this money would be a significant benefit – fuck! – I mean, who gets an offer to do something for that much cash EVER! Am I an idiot to even consider not taking it. Are my values, my sanity, my life worth risking in pursuit of a pile of cash… a massive pile of cash!
FUCK!
I don’t know what to do. I am at wits end. I feel confused and alone in this decision. If I take the job then .. well I don’t even want to think about it. If I turn down the job, well what then. Just another stupid decision? Just another chance blown? Just another opportunity wasted? Just another fuck-up? A lesson to be learned that will never produce fruitful benefits again in the future. How many of these chances EVER come along in peoples lives? No, not like fake-ass hollywood people who get 10 million bucks for just playing make-believe on a movie screen, but real fucking life people!?!?!?
I’ve been sitting here covered in ash from the goddamn San Diego wildfires, sweating my balls off, playing Karma Chameleon on my acoustic guitar all morning thinking about this.
“Desert love in your eyes all the way
If I listen to your lie would you say
I’m a man without conviction
I’m a man who doesn’t know
How to sell a contradiction
You come and go
You come and go”
But 160k! I mean thats take over the world money. Thats fuck off in paradise for a few years money. Thats a lot of carne asada burritos and vodka drinks. CASH! I could just go surfing and drinking frozen umbrella drinks for a long fucking time on that cash. The good life. Xanadu! Just like in the poem…
Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Kubla Khan
Half of me is like “FUCK IT! Take the fucking CASH, do the job and quit being such a fucking pussy WHINER!” And by all rights I should do that. I have nothing to lose except… and then the other half of my brain starts yelling “Hey ASSHOLE!!! WAKE UP! You’ve sworn never to do this again for a reason. You are losing everything you treasure. Countless people who love you are being tortured by this, your mind, body, and spirit are being adulterated… RUINED.. and all the wreckage just follows you for months – years – possibly forever for all the things you’ll do. What the hell are you thinking!??!!?!?!?”
“Didn’t hear your wicked words every day
And you used to be so sweet I heard you say
That my love was an addiction
When we cling our love is strong
When you go you’re gone forever
You string along
You string along”
And I have so much fucking potential in this life it makes me SICK! I have all these plans and concepts and ideas that are just going to waste. Barely able to escape the vacuum of my brain fast enough before they are forgotten. This money could be the facilitator of all my dreams and desires. This money could open a thousand doors that would never present themselves any other way. It would keep me not only afloat financially, but put me over the top for quite a while. FUCK FUCK FUCK!
“Every day is like a survival
You’re my lover not my rival
Every day is like a survival
You’re my lover not my rival”
<<harmonica solo>>
Haha.. I’m totally fucked. I feel like the devil is temping me with everything he’s got… well shit, I think my soul is worth more than 100,000 bucks cash – but nobody’s ever really offered before. Its the offer of a lifetime, or is it? Will I one day be lost in riches, yet alone like Citizen Kane, crying out with my dying breath “Rosebud” – the meaning of which no one will understand – but me.. tragically.
What would you do?
WHAT WOULD YOU DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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