Grrrr!

I hate everything, today is proof.

Woke up, went to the gym.  The annoying personal trainers were screeching at fat useless losers who are afraid to break a sweat.  Finished the workout and got a call from Kiwi.  He needed a ride back from the place where he shipped his truck back east.  He’s moving back to Philadelphia to be with his girlfriend.  I’ve been to Philly, the place fucking sucks.  I don’t wanna be an asshole, but I feel like I’m watching this dude holding a dog shit in his hand and saying to himself “Hey, I wonder what this tastes like?”

Dude, it tastes like shit, thats why they call it Philadelphia.

On the way back to my place we got caught in all this construction traffic on 30th street.  We sat there in the sun while lazy union fuckheads count every minute of every hour as they tear up my street like a pack of 3-toed sloths.  People were turning around in the fucking mile long line of cars because they were taking so long.  I sat down on my horn for like 5 minutes but nothing happened.  I would have gone around but my fucking condo is right there, I can see it, 200 meters away.  This is total bullshit.

When we finally got to move I made a point to quickly honk and flip off every single construction worker as I passed by.  I made sure they saw my face.  I made sure they knew that not only was I not afraid to confront them, but that I was going to do so undaunted in their midst.  FUCKING ASSHOLES!

So we went down to La Jolla and hit the waves.  It was so fucking hot that the only thing to do was blow off everything and go to the beach.  Hey man, I’m a california dude, thats how I roll.  The water was fucking freezing and even though my balls totally sucked up completely inside my body it was pretty fun.  First waves of the summer.  Fuck yes.

On the way back we decided to cruise through PB and get a Jamba Juice.  Three girls were standing in the street.  You know how freshmen girls put on the “freshman fifteen”?  Well these chicks put on something more like the freshman 30 and they were walking across the street like they owned the fucking place with their pear shaped bodies taking way way way too much time.  I had to do it.  I simply said “FAT CHICKS!” out the window of my truck and they all short circuited with sparks.  It was pretty good.

After the Jamba Juice in PB we got caught in traffic.  There was an accident on Garnet and it just happen to be 2 crappy Mercedes smashed into each other pissing out their lifeblood onto the hot asphalt.  I was angered by the delay.  I simply made a Nelson (from the simpsons) laugh out the window “HAH hah!”

All three of the accident-eez turned in rage but there was nothing that they could do.  They had already fucked everyone and they had that coming. haha.. yeah!

I get home and the mixer from my protein shake has collected a million ants into my fucking dish washer.  I hate ants.  So I turned the thing on with all of them in there and they were destroyed in the bubbling hot water vortex.

So just in case you were all wondering whether there is justice in this world the answer is unfortunately YES.  Not because I was righting all the wrongs, but because karma kicked my ass on the way to the burger joint when a tree branch swung down and split my head open and made me bleed all over my hair and hands and the ground and a bunch of napkins in the burger joint restroom.

Karma got me.  Dammit!  But other than that today rocked.  Now I’m gonna go play nintendo or maybe some Soul Caliber III before Kiwi and I take revenge on planet earth one beer at a time down at the Whistle Stop.

Come and join us, life is too short to take any bullshit.  ROCK OUT!

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