Memorial Dumps

Memorial Day weekend.  I got shithouse drunk last night in memory for being alive.  Here is the sordid list of details. - I got caught in the worst traffic ever.. it was so fucking bad that this goddamn bum in a bum-cart was going faster than me down the road.. fucking totally infuriating.  The worst thing about the bum-cart dude was that his rig was in no way motorized, it was just his dirty little sneakers slowly dragging the thing on down the... Read More

El Diablo

It was total destruction. It was total mayhem. It was total victory! We completely crushed the opposition.  Dodgeball is the best fucking game ever.  I love it.  Their team name was the “Beach Boozers” but by the time we were done with them they felt more like the “bitch losers”.  Its been a long time since I’ve felt the competitive juices surging through my body.  Coursing through my veins like hot magma.  The hunger to rip somebody’s... Read More

El Diablo Cometh

Question: “Would you like to see a bunch of Navy SEALs totally crush a bunch of pot smoking, out of shape, losers from Ocean Beach?” If the answer is yes then you need to come to our dodgeball game tonight.  Our team name is “El Diablo” and we have been training and getting ready for nearly a month.  We have a whole playbook and all our tactics worked out.  This is our first game and we are expecting to completely dominate... Read More

How To: Kill a Tree

For legal purposes this blog will be written under the pen name of “Mr. Bloggs” One day Mr. Bloggs woke up and realized that the tree that his neighbors loved and cherished was totally pissing him off.  Not only were the leaves falling onto his property but the roots were destroying his garden and the trunk itself was slowly pushing over his fence.  His wonderful view of downtown Bloggsville was blocked by the menacing horrible tree.... Read More

1-800-FUCK-YOU

Recent events have led me to the conclusion that 1-800-FLOWERS is the actual devil! I ordered a dozen fucking frezia for my sister on her birthday (in a clear glass  vase with a mylar ‘happy birthday’ balloon) and the fuckers never delivered it.  I was even up in L.A. doing that voice over crap for the Transformers movie and I went by her work and was expecting a big hug for being such a hero with flowers and crap and there was nothing... Read More

Grrrr!

I hate everything, today is proof. Woke up, went to the gym.  The annoying personal trainers were screeching at fat useless losers who are afraid to break a sweat.  Finished the workout and got a call from Kiwi.  He needed a ride back from the place where he shipped his truck back east.  He’s moving back to Philadelphia to be with his girlfriend.  I’ve been to Philly, the place fucking sucks.  I don’t wanna be an asshole, but... Read More

The Tree of Woe

Well shitty shitty fuck fuck.  I hadn’t emptied the shit out of my camera for like a fucking month so lemme just do a giganto picture dump to get everyone back up to speed on all the bullshit.  I have also been somewhat active plastering up a bunch more ‘hand holding a beer’ pasties for the ultimate conspiracy - operation BADMAN. The Tree of Woe Thulsa Doom: I wish to speak to you now. Where is the Eye of the Serpent? Rexor says... Read More