Teacher/Pedophile

A tribute to my high school english teacher (courtesy of Megan’s Law & Photoshop): Name: Michael Clarence Hays Date of Birth: 05-27-1959 (year of the ‘boar’ in Chinese astrology) Sign of the Zodiac: Gemini “the twins” Sex: Male Height: 5’11″ Weight: 200 lbs Eye Color: Blue Hair Color: Blonde Ethnicity: White Offenses: - f243.4(a) – SEXUAL BATTERY - f288(c) – LEWD OR LASCIVIOUS ACTS WITH CHILD... Read More

Super Demon-Baby – Yuk!

Oh my fucking god, what the hell IS that thing!???!? AKPC_IDS += "3647,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More

Demon Baby

Throw that fucking thing in a blender or stuff it down the garbage disposal – fucking SICK! AKPC_IDS += "3644,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More

Half-Man, Half-Tree

Life on earth can be a sickening ordeal for many – unmitigated horror for this man. AKPC_IDS += "3639,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More

Mosque Blasted

Tow missile blows the shit out of a sniper hiding in mosque.  Fun times.  Oh yeah, and fuck all Muslims.. (can’t believe I almost forgot!?) AKPC_IDS += "3619,";Popularity: 1% [?] Read More

St. Margaret of Scotland

X-mas has come and gone and not a minute too soon. The holiday makes people stupid. Everything seems to be moving at breakneck speeds and everyone starts taking meth just to keep up.  Needless to say it really annoys me in almost every way. Everyone always says that people act uncharacteristically vicious in their shopping / interpersonal behaviors around the holidays, but I think it’s the total opposite.  I think it’s this Christmas frenzy... Read More

Scary Old Bum-like Prison-tatted Drug Clown

Well I read back over the ‘Logan’s Run’ entry here and I’ve decided that I’m being too hard on myself.  I’m not wearing a suit and tie, I don’t have an office and a secretary, I don’t have to kiss my boss’ ass on the daily.  This realization is a little too late though.  After taking on the position I’ve been subconsciously resisting my perceived chains.  Hard drinking, rock music, chasing women around.  Not the best of activities... Read More

Logan’s Run

I took my first steps towards complete domestication today.  These steps included waking up at 7am, shave, shower, coffee and cold cereal, and traffic.  I drove through the drizzle to my new office where I stood around for thirty minutes before the disgusting and slovenly pregnant chick working at the badge office figured out how to give me a pass to go inside.  She shimmied around awkwardly behind her desk, getting up reluctantly (whether from... Read More

Jam Box

I only have 2 words in my pizza-pipe right now; “JAM BOX!” I was bebop-ing around the other day and I happened across a remarkable piece of 1980′s technology, a jam box. It was sitting right there next to a dumpster, god knows why anyone would want to throw something so kickass away, it must have been some colossal mistake that I somehow benefitted from. Regardless, I scored a brand new jam box. I call it a jam box, some folks call... Read More

Ghetto Spray

Today I have decided to set up a little mini tribute page for my old friend Mike from my home town – or as we call him “Spray”, or even “Ghetto Spray”. Mike is a good buddy of mine, but I can’t take too much hang-out because nothing really ever changes in his life. He lives in his parents house, delivers pizza for a living, and smokes a lot of weed. His interests include comic books, star wars figurines, and other... Read More