Shabbat! (c) ™

SHABBAT! (c) ™ – I have to put that or I’ll get sued by Jehovah

Yes thats right boys and girls, its the jewish holy day of rest. This means no working of any kind no matter what. You see all the orthodox dudes walking around dressed like amish pachucos with their curly-q’s hanging down. I swear to fucking god that I saw a missing member to ZZ Top dressed in full jewish regalia just walking down the street today. Some cats even roll with these giant furry wagon wheel hats. I mean there must be some hidden joke that all these religious types (from all religions) wear ridiculous headgear to accentuate their own stupidity or something. Like, ‘hey, look at me! not only do i have idiotic beliefs but i’m wearing a stupid fucking hat to prove it!’ I just don’t fucking get it. These clothes weren’t even around back in old testament days, how the fuck can it be a mandatory part of the religios now? Its like that ridiculous head tie that arabs wear. You know, that black rope wrapped around the white sheet draped over their nug. Well that USED to be the bridle for the fucking camel, and when they would walk around town they would throw that bad boy on their head to the don’t gotta carry it. Well they don’t even ride or own camels for the most part but they are still walking around wearing the fucking thing on their heads. Fucking madness.

Crazy jew law prohibits doing any form of work but different denominations view the prohibition on work in different ways. Orthodox jews and observant conservative jews do not perform the 39 categories of activity prohibited by Mishnah Tractate Shabbat 7:2 in the Talmud. These categories are exegetically derived – based on juxtaposition of corresponding Biblical passages – from the kinds of work that were necessary for the construction of the Tabernacle. Many religious scholars have pointed out that these labors have in common activity that is “creative,” or that exercises control or dominion over one’s environment. Here is a list of all the stuff you ain’t doing on Saturday if you are a jew.

crazy lazy jew list of 39 activities you can’t do or you will go to hell or be stoned by your family and neighbors who are all dressed like amish zoot suiters on SHABBAT! (c) ™:

So the bad thing about SHABBAT! (c) ™ is that the Ultra Orthodox fuckers throw rocks at cars because driving a car is considered work and that is against god or some shit. They also will spit in the face of female joggers and all kinds of other stupid shit. The whole place goes on autopilot for a day. For example, elevators work automatically so that the jews don’t have to push buttons and thereby work on SHABBAT! (c) ™. This means that you get stuck standing in the middle of a raging pack of jews waiting through every fucking floor in a building until you can finally get off the elevator. Some dude actually pulled my iPod headphones out of my head and started violently clearing his throat at me (thats how they talk here). I grabbed my headphones out of his jew hands and barked “hey man, keep your dirty mitts off my stuff!” and he instantly transformed into a scared little child. I am starting to realize that these peeps are all bark and no bite. Elevators are not the only thing, people aren’t allowed to turn on or off the light switches in their house so they have everything set up on timers. They can’t drive a car so you see them walking everywhere (which in my mind is more work than driving, but that is almost too logical for these religious brains to understand). I don’t fucking get it!?!?!? Where the fuck in any goddamn book written any fucking where does it say that you can’t push a button on some day for any fucking reason!!!??!?!?!? Mind boggling.

The elevator iPod incident is just the tip of the iceberg. Bottom line is that these dudes have no understanding of what we in America call ‘personal space’. They get right up in your grill and yell at you at the top of their lungs over stuff that I’m not even sure is capable of being argued over. THey will cut right in front of you driving on the road or waiting in line without a second thought. Heres another example. I was waiting in line at the grocery store to pay for a few items. I was clearly the first person in line waiting for the register when this jew lady cuts right fucking in front of me, I mean she actually had to push me back so that she could fit in the 8 inch gap. I politely tap her on the shoulder and say “Hey, I was waiting here, you totally cut me in line.” Her response, “Yeah, so? Why do you talk to me like this!? Don’t cry over it.” I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say. It made me wanna throw that bitch in an oven until I told myself to chill out. Fucking sea hag!

On a lighter note, all the dudes on the team are so sick of being cut off in traffic that we have taken it upon ourselves to be the biggest dicks on the road. I know I know, the little baby Jesus told me to turn the other cheek.. but these are jews so they don’t get that shit. Anyway, when someone cuts us off on the road we all give whatever teammate is driving a load of shit and say that he got “SHABBATed”. But conversely, when we cut off an Israeli in traffic we get on the loudspeaker and yell out “SHABBAT!” so they know that we got them. It is pretty fun, even if we are basically being a bunch of assholes.

Sometimes I wonder if these jews just don’t feel like jilted lovers, abandoned at the altar, forever waiting for someone to show up who never in fact will. Reminds me of Waiting For Godot. That’s probably why they are all so crabby.

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