Home Sweet Home..?

(3 days to go)

This is probably going to sound crazy. I have no idea what the reason is behind this, but I am feeling like nervous about coming home. I can’t explain why and it doesn’t make sense to me. Don’t get me wrong here, I am totally pumped about coming home. I mean, I really really really want to come home and never look back on this shitty fucked up place, but I feel nervous about it. This feeling is pissing me off because I don’t understand it. I’m thinking like, well maybe its because I’m turning a corner in my career, moving on to other things. Maybe its because I’ve been defining myself through a certain set of actions that I don’t think I’m going to embody in the future. I think a part of it comes down to the fact that shit has been pretty bad lately and when I get death shoved in my face it makes me feel all fucked up inside and morbid and introspective. Well whatever it is I don’t like it. Feeling nervous sucks. I way prefer feeling confident and carefree. You know, I have a bunch of stuff that I am really looking forward to when I get back.. fuck.. that is what is really confusing. I think I am more nervous about coming home than I was about coming over here. Hah! I feel like a jackass for writing this but I’m posting it anyway. Maybe this shit will make sense to someone else.

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