Mariachi Moleste

A phone call the night before awakened me to the possibility of a full fledged day in the heart of San Juan Capistrano that might actually be a fun thing to do for a change. The San Juan Mission was hosting the first ever ‘Mariachi Battle of the Bands’ on the mission grounds so me and my two mariachi compadres loaded our guns and went to town. Just in case you didn’t know, the San Juan Mission was the 7th in a chain of 21 was founded on November 1st, 1776 by Junipero Serra. As one of nine missions founded by Serra during his lifetime, it was previously established by Father Fermin Lasuen on October 30th, 1775, but was abandoned because of Indian unrest in San Diego. To the best of current knowledge, the founding document at Mission San Juan is the only document in existence written and signed by Father Serra himself.

Great Stone Church – Begun in 1797, the church took nine years to build. It was supervised for six years by master stonemason Isidro Aguilar, built using Indian slave labor, and dedicated in 1806. On the Feast Day of the Immaculate Conception, December 8th 1812 a massive earthquake (apparently the wrath of god himself) struck during morning Mass. The walls of the church crumbled and the domes caved in killing 42 Indian worshippers. The church was never rebuilt. The ruins became known as the ‘American Acropolis’. Indian artwork can be seen along the inside of the dome.

Serra Chapel – Constructed in 1782, this is the only original California mission church still standing in which Father Serra is known to have celebrated the sacrements. In the early 1920′s Father St. John O’Sullivan, pastor from 1910 to 1933, restored the chapel. The beautiful baroque retablo is from Barcelona, Spain and is made of hand-carved wood with a gold leaf overlay. It is estimated to be over 350 years old (yeah, even older than the good old U.S. of A.). Beneath the floor of the sanctuary lie the remains of Padres Fuster, Barona, and Olivia who died while serving at the Mission. The Stations of the Cross were painted in the 1700′s. A painting of St. John of Capistrano, the Italian saint for whom the Mission is named, hangs above the door on the west wall. Father Serra brought the silver processional pieces from Mexico. Near the entry is the original baptismal font that once stood in the Great Stone Church. Since its founding, 4340 baptisms were recorded at Mission San Juan Capistrano (1776-1832). In honor of all those who willingly gave up their free will and ability at clear reasoning Brian, Mikey and I all threw devil horns in the prayer rooms. Notice the jaded eyes and features of Brian as well as the ‘chester-like’ child molester lust on the face of Mikey as he hangs around the image of the virgin.

Shaved Ice Vendor – An excavation from the 1930′s revealed that the tallow vats where the Juanenos Indians made soap, candles, grease, and ointment from animal fat also contained the remnents of primitive shaved ice ingredients. Early shaved ice was made with a large piece of cotton that was then soaked in a concentrated piss-syrup. This ‘piss-syrup’ was made from boiling horse urine down into a thick and flavorful liquid. Sometimes horse urine was not available so the local womens’ menstral blood was substituted in its place. Today the red shaved ice that Mikey is enjoying is reminiscent of the culinary masterpiece’s humble origins.

Mariachi – Although the origins of Mariachi music go back hundreds of years in the form we know it, the Mariachi began in the nineteenth century in the Mexican state of Jalisco – according to popular legend, in the town of Cocula. The Mariachi was the distinctive version of the Spanish theatrical orchestra of violins, harp and guitars which developed in and around Jalisco. In other areas such as Veracruz and the Huasteca region in the northeast, the ensemble evolved differently. By the end of the nineteenth century, in Cocula the vihuela, two violins, and the guitarró (which had replaced the harp) were the instruments of the Mariachi. The principal music played by these early Mariachis was the son, the popular music of the day. A mixture of folk traditions from Spain, Mexico, and Africa, the son was found in many regions of the country. The son from Jalisco is called the son jalisciense. La Negra is the best-known example. Sones from other regions include the son jarocho or veracruzano, from the region around the Gulf port of Veracruz; and the son huasteco, from northeastern Mexico. The most famous example of the son jarocho is La Bamba . A typical son huasteco, also known as the huapango, is La Malagueñ a. It is interesting to note that there are some sones, such as El Gusto, which are common in all three regions and clearly date back to a common ancestor.

Mariachi and Dance – It is important to remember the son-and other types of Mariachi music- is not just music to be played and sung. From the very start it was music to be danced. The traditional dance technique associated with both the son jalisciense and son jarocho is the zapateado, a distinctive type of footwork that originated in Spain. When dancing the zapateado the performers skillfully drive the heels of their boots or shoes into the dance-floor, pounding out swift, often syncopated rhythms which complement the different rhythm of the musical instruments. The zapateado can literally reduce even the most resistant dance floor to splinters because of the force with which it is danced. Each of the regional variations of the son has its traditional style of dance. The huapango or son huasteco, for instance, like the son jalisciense and son jarocho, was originally danced on wooden platforms, in some areas mounted on earthen jugs. To dance the huapango the couples line up in opposing columns. The upper part of the body is held perfectly erect as the feet perform rapid, intricate, shuffling maneuvers. Today it is sometimes performed with a glass of water on the head to show off the dancer’s incredible muscular control. The lyrics of the sones frequently describe country life: in particular, the plants, animals and people of the region. These lyrics are highly suggestive, often using imagery of the courtship of farm animals to describe the relations of men and women. In the dance the movements of the performers often represent the farm-yard courtship described in the verses of the sones. Another kind of music related to the son and intimately connected with a particular dance is the jarabe. The jarabe, which has many regional variations, is really a medley of dance pieces, including sones, danzas, jotas, and polkas. No discussion of Mariachi dance would be complete without mentioning the famous Jarabe Tapatio – the Mexican Hat Dance. Associated with Guadalajara in the state of Jalisco, it has become the national dance of Mexico. It is highly stylized, with prescribed movements and costumes. The male wears the classic outfit the Jalisco horsemen or charro, while the female the China, wears a hand-woven shawl and a bright sequined skirt. By the 1930′s Mariachi musicians had begun wearing the same traje de charro, consisting of a waist-length jacket and tightly fitted wool pants which open slightly at the ankle to fit over a short riding boot. Both pants and jacket are often ornamented with embroidery, intricately cut leather designs, or silver buttons in a variety of shapes. Prior to the 1930′s, photographs show early Mariachis dressed in calzones de manta, and huaraches, homespun white cotton pants and shirts and leather sandals, the clothes worn by most peasants in Jalisco.

Here Mikey is pictured ‘chester-the-molester’ style in front of a small group of little girls. The angry fat man on the left was the announcer who just minutes before overheard Mikey say “fuck dude, Mexican’s will eat anything” when referring the “the reek” that will be explained later in this report.

The Reek – At some point during the day we all were acutely aware of a terrible and overpowering stench or ‘reek’ as we like to call it. The reek was smothering like the smell of burning garbage and yet sickly sweet. Brian traced out the aroma to its source, it turns out the reek was not coming from the carmel-corn booth or the ‘original’ philly cheese steak stand like we initally assumed but actually came from the grease broiler for making churros. Here Brian is seen getting a good whif of the reek.

Freddie Love – While searching the Mission grounds for interesting things we came across a plaque commemorating a concert of a choir group that came here in the 1970′s. Among the names of the other choir singers was one that stuck out. Yes, it was Freddie Love… wow.. hell of a name for a hell of a guy.

Millstone – a grinding stone powered by a boy of the mission (child slave labor) or by a donkey (donkey slave labor) for crushing olives into oil. Olive oil had many uses at the mission including cooking, trading for other goods, as well as lubing the asses of small mission boys by the priests. It has been said that this is the wheel that Conan the Barbarian pushed but this has not been proven.

Mexican Bandito – I truly wanted to purchase an authentic mariachi outfit until I happen to cross paths with this mexican bandido. Now I think I would like to get one of these outfits instead. I would fucking wear it too, me no care.

Moleste part I (pray for moleste) – Along our journey through the Mission we encounder two striking examples of explicit sexual perversions by the priests. First example is in this “innocent” diarama. First of all I just want to say that the word ‘diarama’ is fucking kickass and any place that actually has one of these ridiculous things gains a few points in my book just on general lack of give a shit. Anyway, upon closer inspection this diarama has evidence of systematic and institutional sexual abuses by the missionaries on the natives.

Moleste part II (the revenge) – After our shocking encounter with the diarama of doom we were joking around about the raping of young boys by priests and the church’s cover-up and all that shit when we came across this.. an actual statue of Father Serra and an Indian boy. The statue, made by sculptor Tole Van Rensaalar, was commissioned by Father John O’Sullivan in 1914, and denotes the meeting of the two cultures. Notice the scantily clad native boy wearing only loincloth being ushered and guided into the open robe of Father Serra who reaches back threatening to strike the boy if he does not perform oral sex upon the supposed ‘man of god’. While we were innocently laughing about the statue an actual pedophile – I mean religious dude – came up to us and tried to hug and fondle us all while speaking ancient curses upon us. Ironically he allowed us to take his picture in front of the statue depicting the moleste. Notice my pose, remarkably similar to that of the native in the detailed analysis photo isn’t it? This is no accident. This man touched my penis. I feel very ashamed.

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