Car Ramrod
I know nobody’s gonna believe this one, but today on my way home from the gym I was involved in a minor driveby hit and run accident… with a cop! Fucking COPS! I was driving down University Ave heading east when out of nowhere I feel my truck is hit from the back left. Now University Ave is kinda crazy sometimes. Its a 2 lane road in both directions but the lanes are narrow and cars parked on the side of the road as well as people in the left lane stopping traffic to make left turns means you are constantly swerving all around and snaking past obstacles to keep moving. There are also a shit-ton of pedestrians and bums and old ladies and people riding bikes and city busses in the street all who don’t seem to give a shit if they get hit as they jump out in front of your car.
Anyway, back to the story. So I get hit from the back left and I look over my shoulder and see a fucking POLICE CAR right there. He was swerving around like crazy jockeying into position to try and get around me. His lights were off but dude was acting like he was in hot persuit or some shit. He gets up along side of me on the left side and I look over at him and tell him to pull over with my finger, I kinda point over to the side of the road, and this fucking “in uniform” asshole just blows me off and keeps driving crazy. It was like he was in a super hurry to get to wherever the fuck he was going and he didn’t want to stop for the accident he just caused. So I’m starting to get pissed off myself. I mean this cop is totally frantic in his copcar and I beep my horn and point to the side of the road again and this fucker still just blows me off with a really angry look on his face. Now I’m totally like “what the fuck?!” I mean I’m confused and pissed off and surprised that this fucker is not pulling over. So this time I lay on my fucking horn hard for over 10 seconds and he looks over with a real angry sneer on his face and I flip him off right in his face and yell out my open window “PULL THE FUCK OVER ASSHOLE!”. At this point he yells, no words just like a cry of outrage, makes his hand into a tight fist, pauses momentarily not knowing exactly what to do, then punches the roof of his copcar full fucking power and speeds through oncoming traffic to get away from me (still with no flashing lights on). Most people would probably just let this fucker go but apparently I’m a complete nutjob. So I’m like “Oh HELL no you motherfucker!” and I start chasing this cop down university avenue. He pulls off the main street and starts blasting through sidestreets with me in hot pursuit of his sorry ass. I had my chance too because he had to stop at this crosswalk for these little kids to cross the street and I was right behind him honking my horn and yelling. He was up there in his car totally flipping out, like torn, and totally frantic. I was also kinda frantic too because I was trying to get his fucking cop number but I didn’t know what number to get in the heat of the moment. Like should I try and write down his license plate or his car number or grab my camera and take a picture or maybe some video or what. But in that spit second that I was indecisive he swerved around the kids and pulled away. So now I’m chasing this fucker again and he is totally just blowing off every streetsign and stoplight and everything (still with his flashing lights OFF) and I’m chasing him down and thinking I’m in some fucking episode of The Shield or some shit. Anyway, I was stopping at the traffic stuff so that I didn’t wreck and he got away from me, I guess I could have caught him if I was totally just gonna be out for blood crazy about it, or rammed him, or pushed him off the road, but I didn’t want to wreck and I figured that he was obviously doing something illegal so I just let him go. I considered calling the police to report the incident but after realizing that the damage to my car was minor I figured it’s best to just let this one go. I mean I can’t just take on the whole crooked police department by myself like that. I would have to at least call all my buddies and raid the SEAL armory and ambush those fuckers with rockets and claymore mines and fully automatic 7.62 machine guns and stuff. I mean I’m no amateur here, if I’m gonna do it I’m gonna do it right!
Well the damage on my car was not bad at all, super minor, just a few scuff marks. And I never got the license or car number or any of that shit, but what I can do is put out an APB (all points bulletin) on a bad cop. He was approximately 5 foot 10 to 6 feet in height. Husky build but not in shape, looked like he was covered in a half inch thick layer of gravy just under the skin. 215 – 230 pounds. White man between the ages of 30 and 35. He had brown hair and a full mustache. He was fat about the head and he had some freckles. He was last seen wearing a police uniform and aviator sunglasses travelling east through North Park. Here is a police sketch of the crimenal cop that is accused of these heinous crimes:
Since this description basically covers every single cop on planet earth the citizens of San Diego are instructed to approach all police officers with extreme caution and avoid completely if at all possible. These cops are armed and should be considered extremely dangerous. These bad cops are known to speed around the city with no regard for the law or public safety. Citizens of San Diego be warned.
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