Chunk of Shit

Hi everyone, my name is Doug. I’m a CHUNK OF SHIT. No, don’t get confused, I’m not a piece of shit, I am actually a big fat CHUNK OF SHIT. I have a bowl haircut and a goatee that looks like a bear-paw. I have no weapons safety or training and shot over my own teammates heads during shooting range training without warning or apology. I am a Kiwi, that means I’m from the island of New Zealand. Most of the people from my country are pretty cool but I’m a total fucking idiotic asshole. I like to make comments about “me and my SAS buddies” but the truth is that I’m just being misleading. I’m not New Zealand SAS or anything else elite, I’m just I big fat liar shit. I take lame pictures of myself with all my gear on to send home to my family and tell them how bad-ass I am. I do this because I am a big fat loser shit. I wear Oakley ‘blades’ sunglasses and have some of the worst tactics in all of Baghdad. I back everything up with “you guys know me, you know what kind of guy I am” but that doesn’t mean shit because nobody knows me and nobody wants to. I kiss ass really well because I used to be an officer in the military. Some of my close butt-buddies here in Iraq are Duke, Dale, and me Doug. That makes the three D’s of team DOGSHIT. Some of my other skills include, lying, sucking dick really well, talking shit to the bosses about people on my team, being stupid, shoving things up my ass, being a big appeaser, putting my teammates in dangerous situations, not planning at all, pretending to know what is going on when I have no clue, not breifing teammates or passing out critical information. I also have a kickstand leg, see, I thought you might be wondering about that.

Here I am in another picture. No, I’ll be the first to tell you that I did not roll the suburban over, but I got the guy fired who did. You see, I’m a team ‘leader’ but I don’t take responsibility for the actions of the team. I just go around trying to tell people bullshit about myself while talking shit on other people on the team to make myself look better. This is why I like to be called C.O.S., that’s “CHunk of Shit ” in the business. One time on a night mission with the newly trained Iraqi swat team I was the only person to shoot my weapon. Good thing I shot it right at some unarmed civilians that just happened to be in between me and the US forces. I guess it was lucky for me that my bullets bounced off that US Army Bradley fighting vehicle before they could have hit a US soldier and made me look bad. I was really trying hard that day to look super cool and bad-ass, you know, make up for my small 2″ dick and the fact that I posess a rack of hairy bitch-tits and never making it into a prestigious military unit. You can tell by the way I have my hand on my hip in judgement and disgust that I’m a complete jack-ass. How do my ear-muffs look, stupid? Good, that is perfectly fitting for a Chunk of Shit like me.

a team of CIA photo analysis experts has taken a crack at this photo of Doug, here’s what they came up with. As you can see I have no fucking clue about what to do. I was so pissed off when I found out about this web page depiction of me that I talked to the service provider technicians as well as a lawyer to try and sue slavenation.com to take down what I considered “wholesale character assassination”. It turned out that everything on this site was true so I couldn’t sue them. Then after the psd team got caught in an ambush I totally fucked up so bad that they had to fire me from my job and send me back to kiwi-land. Did you know that I actually turned the vehicles around 20 meters from safe harbor after being ambushed and decided to drive the team back over the “X”. Yep, I’m basically the dumbest person ever. I should be a casualty of either the enemy or my own team but I guess I’m so bad-ass that nothing bad has happened to me yet. If you ever see me please remind me of this web page so I can get all pissed off again and try and get another lawyer. Until that happens, chunk of shit, over and out.

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