Fuck You Dale!

Days to go: 15

Happy New Year! Yeah, I know, fuck off. I’m sure everyone back in the states is enjoying their hangovers right now – well actually with the 12 hour time difference you guys are probably still in the middle of it all. We don’t have work until later on this afternoon, an act motivated in no small part I imagine by the heavy drinking that went on here last night. I read back over the shit I posted on the 31st and realize that sarcasm is difficult to convey in the written word plus that list was totally weak as hell.. I can’t believe I named it 1234 of all fucking numbers.. Oh well, whatever, so fucking what. So our galley served up the New Years Eve special. Pasta, broccoli, chicken. Basically the same shit they serve up every other day except they put out more bottles of wine (red and white this time). I didn’t touch a drop of the vino, I was pretty much put into a shit mood because of one of the head dudes at our camp. I think I must just look like a dude that people want to give shit to sometimes.

To give a little history, this is the fucker who saw us driving like bats outta hell with the 250k cars the other day. “Dale”, he even has a prick name. One other incident involving this spineless puke was before even the james bond incident when one day Noah and I were in the head office coordinating our travel plans. He was passing in the hallway as we were leaving and started questioning us about the goofing around we were doing at the moment. We told him nothing, basically just goofing around but he didn’t believe us. Then in passing a few days later he says some shit under his breath. So I was like.. dude, just fuck off and stay the fuck away from me. This place is shitty enough without some crusty old fat fuck giving me shit about the few fleeting moments when I was actually enjoying myself. Ok, well I didn’t say that shit but I thought it. So.. cut to the chase.. “Dale” has been harping on the team to get haircuts. Fucking haircuts!! Like we are back in the military again or what? Next it will probably be salutes or some other gay shit. Anyway, Noah and I have not gotten haircuts. Every other member of the team has at this point (spineless fucks.. <kidding>) but what is crazy about the whole thing is that neither his (Noah’s) nor my hair is any longer than any other motherfucker on this camp. I will agree that I have ‘bozo-the-clown hair’ as named by my old platoonmate Kiwi. My hair has also been called a ‘fro-hawk’ where it’s like a combination between an afro and a mohawk. The final coup-de-gras comment was made by Cornelius about a month or so ago when he called me ‘clown-head’. I personally like Clown Head the best, that is truly funny. The fucked up thing is that even though I have a ridiculous head of hair it seems like they are adopting a higher standard for the PSD team just because it seems like they don’t like Noah and myself. There are some scuzzy bastards here running around with full on mullets and shit like that.. yeah, the old Kentucky waterfall itself, but for some reason “Dale” has a hard-on to get my hair cut above all others.

Now this is not the first time this shit has happened. When we first got here they took one look at us and came up with the “no sideburns” policy. Since we were new and were not looking for trouble we hacked them off. Since that time they have slowly crept back down our faces but that’s not the point. They have made 2 hair policies on this fucking camp directly in response to me and Noah. I think these fuckers need to reevaluate their priorities.

There is no hot water,

there is no electricity most of the time,

the internet is down 9 out of 10 hours a day,

we are still living in tents while the rest of the camp is living in hooches,

we have been forced to move 5 fucking times since getting here,

these fuckers can’t coordinate movements so that we end up hanging it out there for fucking gear runs and other trivial shit that isn’t worth getting killed over,

we are using crusty AK-47′s because the company has yet to get the M4′s over here that they promised us when we agreed to the contract,

oh yeah.. and they haven’t fucking paid us!

Now, despite all these issues that they have failed to address, the one issue that they are fervent about is me and Noah getting our hair cuts. FUCK YOU! So if you wanted somebody to do something or you had a problem with somebody in your organization what would you do? If it was me I would confront this person, explain my problems, and see what kind of a solution we could work out together. If you were “Dale” what would you do? You would make passive-aggressive comments in passing “psd is gonna get in trouble if they dont get some fucking haircuts” when I’m standing in line to get chow. Are these pussies too intimidated to confront me on something simple like haircuts, something so trivial that I’m willing to get one just because I know it’s a bullshit issue in the first place but they dont have the fucking balls to ask me directly. And what is this ‘trouble’ bullshit? I’m not in fucking grade school here, don’t threaten me with pathetic ‘put this down on your permanent record’ bullshit. This is exactly the same cowardly officer shit that frustrates every working dog in the military today. Same shit happened in Afghanistan. We go on some three week long misery-mish, popping speed the whole time to get the job done, then come back to find out that the task unit commander is ordering a camp cleanup to be performed that day and they want the platoon to sweep up all the loose dust off the ground. Yeah, here I am after losing 15 pounds on the meth and water diet dirty as fuck from 3 weeks in the field being ordered to trim up my beard and cut my hair. I was a Navy SEAL in Afgahanistan sweeping dirt of the desert the day after fighting the war on terror. This is the same task unit commander who fucking put himself in for a Bronze Star then left country without telling the platoon. When are these fuckers gonna get off their power trips and stay focussed on the real mission here? “I know we have relaxed standards which means you guys can grow beards and have long hair but you need to trim it up and keep it under control.” HEY ASSHOLE, I WAS IN THE FUCKING FIELD FOR THREE WEEKS ON SPEED, FUCK YOU! The whole idea of relaxed standards is so that we blend in and don’t look all preppy out there (needless to say a 6’2″ 225lb white guy is probably never gonna blend in anyway).

Well it seems that this rant has spun completely out of control. Why do they always seem to do that? Let me try and refocus my energy here a bit. So “Dale”, total prick. Well last night he got totally wasted, spilling other peoples drinks and falling all over the place. Somewhere in the middle of his drunken stumblings he was witnessed to be checking other dudes haircuts. Thats right, he was ‘inspecting’ the fucking troops. He threw a drunken arm around Dean’s neck and said that he thinks Dean should be the new team leader because he has a short haircut. Then he just broke open like a waterballoon and went off on how haircuts are a sign of respect, how everyone should be the same. Honor, warrior, beat on chest, haircut, unity, gladiators. That kind of shit. So in retrospect I’m not dealing with some controlling asshole who sees my hair as an affront to his dominance, I’m actually dealing with a total lunatic who thinks that hair = respect and honor in some fucked up mathematical equation.

One last note on old “Dale” before I sign off here. A few weeks ago a friend of mine got shot while in Fallujah. It was not a serious injury, and actually quite funny when you think about it. He got hit in his trap muscle between his shoulder and his neck. When he went to have to medic pull the round out it turns out that it was actually a tungesten penetrator from green tip 5.56 ammo. What this means to the uneducated is that it was friendly fire, probably a ricochet off a building or something that found its way into his trap. At another bar-b-que ‘Chad’ (the dude who took the round) was asked by another dude to show his “war wound”. Chad was refusing and didn’t really feel like breaking out his hole for inspection. Then, out of nowhere, “Dale” says “thats bullshit! you wouldn’t have gotten shot in the first place if you weren’t stupid enough to be where you were” Chad tells me he had to bite his lip hard as fuck not to beat the guy into oblivion right there. Yeah it was friendly fire, but “Dale” was not there, he doesn’t even know shit about it.. what the fuck is he talking about!? Dude got fucking shot and you wanna make it into this big fuck you because maybe you are a little jealous about the attention he’s getting or something like that. Let’s just say Chad was fucked up (which he was not) is that any way for a fucking leader to conduct himself with those under his leadership? What an unbelievable asshole. Can you fucking believe that!?

So.. in summary, things are basically the same as always around here. Sidestepping the bullshit and maintaining our sanity is a daily struggle. Stress and anger and frustration greet us every morning like old friends. Oh yeah, and theres shit blowing up all around us all the time (you should have heard the explosion this morning.. ho-ly shit!). Well until next time, happy new year.. and,

FUCK YOU DALE!!!

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