Lost in OC

Here I am, stagnating in the states. I remember a very senior and experienced SEAL once told me when I was about to take a vacation “Leave! What the fuck do you need leave for!? You just get soft and weak on leave!” That fucker was right in a lot of ways. You give yourself too much time to dwell on the banality of fungus growing on rocks flying through outer space and your reflexes slow down, thoughts get slurred, your determination... Read More

The Tri-County Trifecta

Ok.. everybody knows that there are some no-shit rules you have to follow when conducting travel to 3rd world shitholes. First, don’t drink the water. Second, don’t eat the local food. Third, don’t get shitfaced drunk. Well it was my fucking birthday so I broke all three in one night. Look, this ain’t my first rodeo but you only turn 30 once right? Well that’s... Read More

Dystopia

DYSTOPIA: definition dys-/dus- (Latin/Greek roots: ‘bad’ or ‘abnormal’)  +  -topos (Greek root: ‘place’) =  ‘bad place’ eu- (Greek root: ‘good’) / ou- (Greek root: ‘not’) + -topos (Greek root: ‘place’) = ’good/no place’ dystopia n. an imaginary wretched place, the opposite of utopia utopia n. a place... Read More

“The Death Dealer For Dicks”

I’ve been lauging my ass off all day today. My buddy Jimmy over here had some unfortunate shit happen to him and even though I feel bad that the dude is fucked up I can’t help but laugh my ass off about it. So.. Iraq.. no girls right. Well Jimmy’s been here for like 3 months already and after that long you really start to miss things – like sex. Anyway, the dude was jacking off the other day and one of the other dudes here,... Read More

Space Madness

As of today I am officially a founding member of the contractor fight club. No, not literally, but as of yesterday we dropped off our clients at the airport and have absolutely nothing to do for at least the next two weeks. After that they are scheduled to return to B-dad and only make periodic visits back up to our site. This means that all we have to do up here is work out, conduct self-directed training with weapons and tactics, punch the heavy... Read More

Titty Fuck Francie

Well I’m a total fucking idiot. Yeah, I know, big surprise. So I’m here in Iraq trying to work on the fucking site in my new and glorious free time and because the internet is totally shitty and sporadic as well as the fact that the power grid here in Baghdad goes up and down all the fucking time coupled with the problems of my stupid laptop continually overheating, I somehow deleted the index.shtml file off the site and then also somehow... Read More

Iraq (The Movie) Part III: “This time its personal”

Why is it such a hassle to go on deployment? Every time it’s the same shit but it never stops being a pain in the ass. I mean I’m used to all the issues. Preparing, packing, getting bills in order, saying goodbye to friends and family, dealing with the airport bullshit – hey look, going new places rocks but a lot of travel really fucking sucks. I think maybe it’s the hardships and complications that gives you an opportunity to either experience... Read More

Regurgitatro

Its August. I turn 30 this month. I go back to Iraq this month. These are strange times for me. Like fever dreams they seem wild and incalculable. Strange new artifacts claim significance while old familiar ones dissolve away. A cough, a well pronounced word in an empty room, dust rising from an old telephone as I slam the receiver home. Strange times. I wander the internet and the television wastelands to no avail. I purchase vice and bloat with... Read More

Banned in Iraq

Saw the most kickass bar brawl the other day. This little dude totally wrecked this giant fat dude and the fat dude jumped the little dude. The best part was when the little guy rode the fat guy to the ground from behind by grabbing both his ears. The fat dude’s face smashed the concrete right at my feet (I actually had to move my foot so it didn’t get hit) and then the fat guy’s face exploded like a volcano of blood. Skullissa and... Read More

Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About “STARDATE” But Were Afraid to Ask

Marginal note: Astronomers also use the word “StarTime” (or “Sidereal Time”), but this differs totally from StarTrek startime. 1 Astronomer staryear (= sidereal year) equals 365 days, 6 hours, 9 minutes and 9.54 seconds. So far there are several definitions of calculations between STARDATES and our Gregorian Dates 1. The most usual calculation in the trekker world is: Stardate 0.000 corresponds to 01 Jan 2323 00:00 One year... Read More