Ramadan Rampage

Ramadan has started – gather ’round children, its story time. So first day of Ramadan here in B-dad and everything seemed a little off like one of those overcast days where you feel like you have a hangover but you didn’t drink the night before. The kind of day that makes you all introspective and pathetic. The day before, insurgants blew up the haji market and green zone cafe, just hours after some of our guys were enjoying a quite cup of joe there. We frequented that place whenever in the town, I have sat in there enjoying my omelette of diease while calling home on my cell so we are gonna hafta finda a new place to hang. It rained the night before (yeah – it rains here a little) and all the superfine moondust that normally swirls in brown clouds like steam from sewer pipes is all stuck to the ground and tents and buildings and cars and everything. The ground is like crunchy from the thin layer of crystalized brown moondust that created a glaze over it and I had to leave the wipers on for like 5 minutes to scrape away all the bullshit from the windshield. We hit the road and traffic was light, which is always a bonus because we can fly at much faster speeds (somewhere around the range of 100 – 150 mph). To add to the strange mood I brought the Ladytron CD that Cella sent me and Im humming along to Playgirl in a daze while crappy tinsel and treebark haji cars press up against my face piece and then melt away behind my field of vision. So we go blasting past a coaltion convoy, sometimes we like to piggyback with the military to steal their firepower for ourselves but at faster speeds we gotta just shoot past em. Right as we get alongside the 6-7 vehicle long train of Bradleys and M1s and up-armored Hummers I see this crappy red haji shitmobile. This thing, like many indig vehicles, looked like some late model european minicar that had been put in a tumbler with rocks, tin cans, and salt water for the last 15 years. The vehicles lack of maneuverability coupled with the driver’s complete lack of situational awareness quickly left it sandwiched between our fastmoving convoy and the slowermoving military train. So this guy extends his arm out his window and signals that he is changings lanes to the left directly in front of my 5000 lb armored chevy suburban rocketing down the road at 150 mph like a bull rhino. Now I say ‘change lanes’ but there really are no traffic (or any other) laws in Baghdad. So I gently nudge the left rear corner of his vehicle to politely recommend that he not come over into my lane, really more of a soft bumper to bumper kiss between two passing motorists. Well…. the little red corvette immediately spun completely out of control as its driver just resigned himself to fate, flung up his hands and started screaming, and I had to ram him one more time as he spun in front of my burban, off the road, up a gravel pile and then rolled over. Perfect. We were all laughing so hard we almost went off the road ourselves, the soldiers manning the turrets on their vehicles just looked over, gave notice and a quick nod, then carried on about their business. So we sped off and I looked back in the rearview to see the little car spinning slowly on its roof at the top of the gravel pile. Happy Ramadan motherfucker.

Put a bunch of new shit on the site.. NUKES, LADY and BIRD (g/j on this little animation Lbug – sorry the first posting was fucked up.. the new one is already on the site and running at max speeds!!!), umm what else.. uh oh yeah.. BARF GIRLS (*subsequently removed*).. I like how the one girl just kinda looks at the other one and smiles and opens her mouth like she’s about so say something nice and then pukes without retching all over the other girl.  I think thats about it.. made a new song on my axe today, nobody will probably like it. Later.

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